Don't know what you have, until its gone
by twilightlover4ever123
Summary: It was supposed to be simple, easy. The divorce was supposed to be the end, of us. I wasn't in love anymore, I wanted a better life, alone. It isn't supposed to bother me that she moved on. I should be happy and relieved that she moved on. I'm not.
1. Chapter 1

A/N OH GOD MORE! I cant stop, its new! It popped into my head during math! I had to do it! J 

SUMMARY: Bella and Edward were married for four years. Bella loved Edward. Edward wanted a divorce, he was convinced his love for her had died. Bella moves away, and now she's back two years later, with a new man on her side. What will Edward do when he see's she has moved on? What happens when Edward realizes that his love for her never died, it was hidden all along? 

Don't know what you have, until its gone.

**Prologue **

**It was suppose to be easy, simple. I wanted a divorce, she begged me not to, she cried and pleaded, I said we grew apart. She claimed to love me, I was convinced my love for her had died. I told her and begged for her to let me go, I told her I was miserable with the life I had. She told me that she loved me and that she wanted what was best, I told her if she loved me, then she would let me leave. She told me she was lost without me, I told her she'd adjust. She tried to save our marriage, with everything she had, there was nothing more to fix, we were broken from the start. **

**There she was leaning into the mans touch, her beauty intensified from the last time I saw her. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, she smiled against them, causing me to wince in pain. My hands clenched at my sides, my eyes tightly shut as they continued in their lovers embrace. My mind wandering back to the times, when I held her like he did. The way I used to hold her, kiss her, touch her, the way I told her I loved her, and the way she said it back. I promised to love her forever, I broke that promise, and now she had found love in someone else. I heard him whisper his love for her and I heard her say it back. I fell to my knees, my head between my hands, my whole form shaking violently with the sobs that racked throughout my body. As the memories ran through my head, from the first kiss to the wedding, and worst of all to the divorce, the little detail that haunted my very existence. I did not wish to live, for without her there was nothing more to live for. **

**A/N That's the prologue, I hope you liked it! I loved it! Please Review.**

**The big mistake will be up soon :DDD**


	2. Remembering

**A/N OH GOD MORE! I cant stop, its new! It popped into my head during math! I had to do it! ****J **

**Don't know what you have, until its gone.**

Prologue

It was suppose to be easy, simple. I wanted a divorce, she begged me not to, she cried and pleaded, I said we grew apart. She claimed to love me, I was convinced my love for her had died. I told her and begged her to let me go, I told her I was miserable with the life I had. She told me that she loved me and that she wanted what was best, I told her if she loved me, then she would let me go. She told me I had broke her, I told her she'd adjust .

She had tried to fix us with everything she had, there was nothing more to fix, we were broken from the start.

**A/N Well you all really seem to like the prologue, and I loved it! So I am willing to update this right now! Written in one day on September 11, 2010. HAHA did this all on one day. I have had no time due to school, and I have a science project due in a week. I'm so sorry. Please enjoy.**

CHAPTER 1- Remembering

Two years, since I had last heard from her, two years since I last seen her, spoke to her. I never wanted this to happen, I had always wanted to be friends with her. I missed talking to her, she had been my best friend, my life. She had been everything to me, meant everything to me and I had to go and hurt her. I shook my head, disgusted with myself at how everything had turned out. How my whole life had shattered. I never gave up hope that I might see her again one day, I remembered the words she had said to me.

"_I'll come back, I'll will, when I've found my happiness, I'll return I promise." She murmured as she boarded the airplane. Chicago. _

I shook my head at the distant memory, it had seemed like forever. Two years and he had heard nothing from her. Nothing.

He knew that he didn't love her, he knew he shouldn't care. Yet he couldn't help but care. Why? He didn't know. I had lived a happy life though, since the last time I had seen her, I had dated three women, Kate, who I had spent three months with. Irina who I had spent six months with and Tanya, who had lasted four months with. All of them had ended in disatser though, and the I had never been sexual with any of them. It made me feel…guilty, for some reason. I shouldn't feel guilty, Bella and I had divorced, I wouldn't be doing anything wrong. Had she been with someone else? I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want of her pressed against another mans naked body, I didn't want to think about him touching her and claiming her as his, I didn't want to think about the way she'd moan his name while he caressed her, I couldn't think about it without being overcomed with anger. I had been the only one to ever touch her like that and now that she was no longer mine, I had no claim on her, she could sleep with who ever she wanted. I didn't love her, but I didn't want to think of her with anyone else either. I shook my head at my own stupidity, she probably did have someone else in her life, she deserved happiness. After what I had done to her, after all the pain that I had caused her, the last thing the world could give her was happiness. I remembered the day, the day of the divorce, I remembered everything so clearly.

_-FLASHBACK-_

_She walked down the hall, her hair swaying from side to side, her eyes red and puffy, she had obviously been crying. She looked up at me and I saw pain, betrayal, sorrow flash across her eyes. She had bags under her eyes, like she hadn't slept in months, and she had gotten skinner. She looked down at her feet as she sat down at the desk across from me, her lawyer James at her side. He looked up at me and smiled slightly, I knew he was trying to be nice but I saw the hate in his eyes, he loved Bella like a sister. They had met in college and had even dated for a couple of months, he would help her move past this. I shook my head at the thought and stared straight ahead. _

"_We are here to finalize the divorce of Mr. Edward Cullen and Mrs. Isabella Cullen. Am I right?" The judge murmured looking straight at me. I nodded wordlessly. _

"_And Mr. Cullen you are the one who asked for the divorce?" She asked looking through the papers. _

"_Yes your honor." I stated simply, my voice void of any emotion. _

"_Okay, the papers were signed yesterday and delivered to me this morning. But before I finalize this. I have to ask if Mrs. Cullen wants anything from the divorce?" She asked, her tone becoming soft and sympathetic. _

"_No your honor, I want nothing." Bella answered her voice breaking slightly towards the end. _

"_Very well. The divorce is now final. Ms. Cullen you are now Ms. Isabella Swan." The judge stated as she stood up, and walked away. I saw James whispers something to Bella, she nodded and he walked out, leaving us alone. She walked up to me and smiled, her smile small and sad. I hate myself, how could I hurt her like this? I'm an idiot, I should have known that I couldn't have loved her for the rest of my life, she would never be enough. She was never enough, I should have never married her, I should have ignored her. I should have let her be with someone else. _

"_I'm so sorry." I whispered to her she just shook her head._

"_Its not your fault, it was never your fault. You fell out of love, I understand. And I hope you find someone else who makes you happy, I hope you do.." She murmured as she wrapped her arms around my waist, enveloping me in a tight hug. I leant forward, holding her closer to me, I hid my face against her neck inhaling her wonderful scent. She pulled away from me, and murmured something under her breath, I leaned closer trying to make out what she was saying._

"_No, no more, no more." She was whispering under her breath, what did that mean? No more what? _

"_I have to go." Her voice rand with finality, she had to go? What? Go where? I stared at her my mouth agape, was she leaving? _

"_W-Where?" I choked out, my breath coming out in pants. Was she leaving the state? Was she moving? Where? Why? She can stay, she doesn't have to go. NO, I wont let her go. I might not love her but she's my best friend, she's always been. I knew what I was doing, I was disgusting, I was so fucking selfish. I had broken her, I had told her I didn't love her, that my love for her had died and I expected her to stay with me? _

"_I'm moving to Chicago, my aunt lives there and well I need to start new, I need to start all over. I have to find __**my**__ happiness, I know that there has to be someone out there who is for me, who was made for me. And I have to find him. I will find him." She whispered, as I shrank away from her final words. _

_I will find him. I will find him. I will find him. No, no. I should have expected this, she had to find someone else, she had to find love in someone else. I just couldn't picture her with another man, I couldn't think of her in another's embrace, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't stand the thought of her belonging to someone else. I closed me eyes, trying to erase the image of her with some other man from my brain. I don't love her yet I don't want her to be with anyone else either, I was so selfish. If it were for me I would lock her up in a room and not let her out. Even though I no longer loved her, I still loved her as my best friend, she would always be that much to me, at least that and I needed her to be there. I couldn't let her go._

"_No…Don't go." I whimpered my voice cracking at the end, she cant leave me. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears and shook her head. _

"_I have to, I have to do this for me. Its my turn to live Edward, its my turn." She said, her voice filled with sadness, agony. I was broken, I was numb._

"_O-okay" I whispered softly, trying to keep my tears at bay, I would lose my best friend. I had met Bella when we were twelve years old, and we had become inseparable since. At 15 I asked her out, at age 18 I asked for her hand, by 19 we were married, by 20 we had practically traveled the world, by 21 we had gotten a new house, by 22 the problem started and then now. The divorce, had finally happened. As I look back on my life I remember being so happy, so in love, how did it end like this? I looked up only to see that she was gone, I hadn't even heard her leave. _

_-END OF FLASHBACK-_

I was a heartless, wretched man, all I could do was hurt her. It was all I had ever been good at, and I hated myself for it. I really did. I missed her though, I missed her everyday, She was always there for me whenever I needed her and all I had done was destroyed her. I heard my phone beep and flipped it open, only to see that it was a text from Alice, reminding me about our family dinner today. Ten minutes later I was already on my way. When I reached my parents table everyone was already sitting there, awaiting my arrival.

"Finally! You made it." Alice chirped, in her sing song happy voice.

"Well I'm sorry." I mumbled sarcastically. Jasper looked at me, but then looked away. I looked around the table and saw that every one actually looked…nervous… Why? What's going on?

"Listen Edward I meant to tell you-." Alice started only to be cut off.

"Hello Edward." Said a soft, melodic voice, coming from behind me. I froze. No, she couldn't be here, I was imagining her, my mind was playing tricks on me.

"Edward." She whispered again, this time I turned to face her and gasped at the sight. She was stunning, her hair had grown, draping perfectly down her shoulders. Her lips soft, plump lips still in her little pout, her beautiful brown eyes held nothing but curiosity, and secrets. I scanned down her body, her shirt clung to her skin, enhancing her curves, and her skirt showed of her long pale legs. She had aged beautiful and I couldn't help but stare. Where had she been? What was she doing? Why hadn't she called me? Why didn't she bother to keep in touch?

"Bella." I breathed, I still couldn't believe it was really her, she was actually here! She came back to see me, she had never forgotten me, just like I had never forgotten her. She wanted to be my friend again, be there for me again.

"Bella!" Said a deep, husky voice. I looked up to see a tall, muscular man walking towards us, he had dark black hair and light brown eyes, he looked like he was on steroids but he looked like a fairly nice person. And he could be considered attractive. He beamed when he finally reached Bella, he pulled her into a hug and she squealed in delight. He put her down but didn't release her, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him in a possessive manner. I didn't like it, not at all. Who did he think he was holding her like that? And looking at her that way? Who the fuck was he!

"Um… guys this is Jacob. My fiancé." Bella beamed, and I stopped breathing.

**A/N Here is the first chapter! I hope you liked it. I'm sorry I have had no time to update. I'm trying to keep my grades up during my ninth grade year and I have a 3.0 I want a 3.2 GPA. **

**REVIEW AND YOU GET A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	3. The news

**A/N Sorry guys I am really trying here but just a warning Bella will be cruel in the next chapters, she has a reason to be. She wont be forgiving that I guarantee. OHHH AND HOW JAKE AND BELLA MET IS IN HERE! YAY! **

**AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!1**

CHAPTER 3- The News

Fiancé? Had I just heard her correctly? How was that possible? It had been two years and she was engaged again? I thought she was heartbroken, miserable and she turns up two years after engaged? That just didn't make sense, none at all. Was it possible that she completely recovered from everything I did to her?

"Edward we need to talk." Bella whispered I looked up to see that we were alone, everyone else had left the room.

Now she wanted to talk? After two years of not hearing anything from her she finally wanted to talk? Why should I talk? I owed it to her that's why, I owed it to her. After everything I had done to her I should give her this much.

"What about?" I asked looking up at her again, only to be captivated by her beauty once again. She had really grown up, her hips were more defined, her long pale legs were even longer, she had certainly grown taller, her hair had grown longer as well. I saw her lips moving but couldn't comprehend what she was saying, I didn't care right now, she was here and I was happy.

"EDWARD!" She yelled, breaking me out of my revere.

"What?" I mumbled looking away, I must have looked like a complete idiot just looking at her like that.

"I'm so sorry I didn't keep in contact I just needed time." She told me her voice soft and shaking along with every word.

She was worried about my reaction and I know that she didn't deserve it, she didn't deserve my anger.

"You could have still told me you were okay. You could have called me once in a while. I deserved to know!" I yelled, her face went from nervousness to pure anger. She stepped forward and looked up at me, her eyes blazing with fury.

"You didn't deserve anything! After all you did to me, after everything you put me through. You think I deserved to be treated that way! I was the perfect wife I did everything for you. I worked, I cleaned, I cooked I did everything for nothing! I worked 12 hours a day and I had to come home to clean and cook for you and you know what? I was happy to do it because I loved you and I wanted you to be happy with me. But look how that turned out! I had nothing after you left me. I was nothing, Jake was the one who came in and helped me recover. He stood by my side for 6 months and was just my friend, he waited for me and when he asked me out I knew I couldn't let him down. When he asked me to marry him, I nearly fell apart because I remembered what you did to me, how you ruined me but then I knew that if I married Jake I would live a happy life. I could be happy again so I took the chance and I'm happy. I recovered and I owe you nothing." She spat the last part out at me, I just stood in shock. The old Bella would have never spoke to me that way, this Bella was different, I didn't even know her. This women that stood before me was independent and strong, she had learned how to put herself first not like before, she had changed dramatically and I no longer knew her.

I hadn't talked to her for two years and of course she was bound to change overtime, no one stays the same people change and that's life but I couldn't see Bella changing.

"Bella look I'm sorry for everything, I really-." She cut me off before I could finish.

"I no longer need apologies what is done is done and that's it. Everything that happened, happened two years ago and that's it. I cant say that I'm over it all, that it doesn't hurt to think about it because it does but I'm happy now. And I wont let you ruin my happiness." She snipped, she clearly didn't want apologies. It was almost as if… as if she hated me. I didn't want her to hate me. It fucking hurt.

Bella had always been my friend. she has always been there for me and it hurt to think that she hated me.

But I deserved her hate and I understood why she would hate me so much, she should hate me after everything that I had done to her. I just didn't want her to.

"Look Bella-." I started, only to be cut off again.

"Edward I know you're going to apologize again and I don't need your apologies anymore." She snapped, fuck she hated me she really did.

"Do you hate me that much?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice neutral but failing miserably. Her face softened immediately, pity showing in her eyes.

"I don't hate you Edward. I don't think can ever hate you and I don't know why." She murmured looking away.

She didn't hate me.

She didn't despise me.

She still cared for me.

"I've missed you." I murmured as I walked towards her, she stepped back.

"I know." She mumbled looking away from me.

She knows? How the fuck would she know? Had she really - Fucking Alice, she had kept in touch with Alice!

"You were talking to her weren't you? Was she keeping you updated! On everything I did!" I was fucking pissed, Alice had known were she was these two years, Alice knew what she was doing. Alice knew she had met someone! Alice knew she was engaged! Alice knew she was fucking coming back!

"Yes I kept in touch with her, she was my best friend." She said, her voice soft and pleading for me to understand.

"She's my fucking sister! I deserved to know!" I yelled at her, she shrunk back.

"I made her promise." She whispered softly.

"Really Bella? You couldn't have sent me an email? Once a month! An update so I knew you were okay? Something. Something to tell me that you were safe and happy? I was so worried about you, and Alice knew I was. She never said a thing." I exclaimed, how could Alice do this to me? She saw how miserable I was and she couldn't even tell me that Bella was doing fine, that she was finally moving on and that I didn't have to feel guilty anymore.

"I was busy Edward, I didn't just sit around waiting for you, I knew I had to do my own thing. I went out, I worked, I actually had friends Edward and I had no time to be there for you anymore. You were the last thing on my mind, why would I have time for you? Yes it sounds cruel but you didn't have time for me and I decided I wouldn't have time for you either." She snapped, fuck it felt like she hated me.

"I understand. -How…did you meet Jake?" I just had to ask, I had to know. I wanted to know and I wanted to get off the previous topic.

Bella shifted and looked away, as if remembering the day. She smiled slightly and looked back at me.

"It was the day after the divorce. I met him at the airport when I was on my way to Chicago, he had been visiting his parents in New York and he was on the same flight. He sat a few rows behind me I was row B and he was F. When he walked by me I knew he could tell that I was upset. I was still crying over everything that had happened." She paused and looked away again.

"About an hour into the flight I heard some arguing and looked up to see that Jake and the man sitting next to him were fighting, the staff came and broke them apart, claiming that Jake would have to sit somewhere else. He got up and walked up to my neighbor and asked her if she would trade seats with him. She said yes. And that was the end of the problem. He turned to look at me and I was stunned by his beauty, he immediately caught my attention. He was strong, dark and handsome everything any women would ever want but I didn't want him, not yet, I wanted you." She paused again. I was just staring at her, my mouth wouldn't form words. I had pushed her towards him.

"We talked the whole flight, he told me about his life and I told him about mine, not about you though. I wasn't ready. I had no one to pick me up at the airport and I was going to take a cab but Jake offered me a ride, I was reluctant at first. I barley knew him, I didn't know if I could trust him but something told me I could. So I accepted, and then we got lost. Jake had decided to take a short cut and we got lost." She shook her head and started laughing at the memory.

"I had told him to take the main road but he said it would take to long and that he knew the shortcut very well. Turns out that the shortcut had been closed up. We drove for hours and then found a motel and decided to spend the night. It was a crappy motel but it was all we could find. The next day we were on our way and we finally got there. We exchanged numbers and then he drove me home, turns out he lived right across the street. Another coincidence. We became best friends he always came over for dinner, and I always went over there for breakfast, it became our daily routine. As the months passed by I healed and he asked me out I said yes, we took it slowly at first but then I decided to just go with what I felt. I was happy whenever I was around him and when he proposed I knew that I would be happy with him and I knew I loved him so I said yes. And here we are." She smiled at me, I was in shock. I had basically handed her to him, it was my fault they had met. He had stolen my best friend, he had taken her from me and I hated him for that. Was he even worthy of her? What did he even work as? I was a doctor what was he?

"What does Jacob do?" I asked, keeping my voice neutral. Bella looked at me her face full of confusion, wondering why I wanted to know.

"He's the owner of Black Industries, it belonged to his dad but he has it now." She replied simply.

Fuck he owned that? It was one of the biggest firms in America, he was a fucking millionaire.

If it were any other women I would have said she was with him for the money but Bella could care less about the money. She hated expensive gifts and hated wasting money.

"Listen Bella I-" I began, only to be cut off.

"Hey Babe we have to get going. We need to go pick the wedding cake out today and our appointment is in an hour." Jacob murmured as he entered the room.

What the fuck? He couldn't wait another minute or even knock? He was interrupting our conversation for a fucking wedding cake?

"Oh right. I guess I'll talk to everyone else tomorrow. I'm just going to say good bye to everyone else. Bye Edward." She smiled as she turned and walked out the door. Leaving me and Jacob in the room. Alone.

"Umm…" I mumbled trying to figure out what to say to him.

"Shut up and listen carefully. I love her and she loves me, she's actually happy now and I will fucking kill you if you ruin her happiness. I will do anything for that women and it killed me to see how hurt she was and how much she cried over you, you didn't deserve to be cried over. I owe you a thank you though, it was all your mistakes that led her to me. I love her and I will not let you ruin her again. Mark my words the day you hurt her, you die." He snarled at me and then he stood and walked away.

**A/N I hope you all enjoyed it. Its short but I am trying. The big mistake will take me a little while longer to update. But trust me I'm really trying. I have no beta and four stories. **

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE :D**


	4. Male Bonding

**A/N Here it is another chapter. I'm utterly exhausted of all the homework and writing I have been getting. I'm have been writing in my free period and working at home. Please enjoy my sweat and blood! **

**And in this chapter things cut off a lot like something will be happening and then there will be a line were something else is going on.**

**Continue. Oh and I'll meet you at the bottom. ****v**

CHAPTER 4- Male Bonding

The family reunion had gone really well. Everyone was ecstatic to have Bella back home and they thought the story of how she and Jacob met was absolutely adorable. I however, I did not enjoy sitting there and being glared at by Jacob for a whole two hours.

And here I sat, next to him. All the girls had gone out shopping and I was stuck with him. Alice called it 'Male bonding time', I called it a waste of my time. Emmet and Jasper were seated on the sofa across from Jacob and I. They just stared at me, waiting for me to break the awkward silence. I didn't.

"Okay then well I know that I am not going to sit here for six hours and just stare at all of you. And I know you don't want to do that either, so what do you say we head out and actually do something?" Jacob exclaimed, as he stood up and started pacing up and down the room.

We all just shrugged, I didn't know what to do.

"I know you all probably wont want to go but I was going to go see the house I bought for Bella. Its down by the lake and I was suppose to look at it today." He murmured looking out the window.

Jasper and Emmet looked at each other, as if asking each other to go or not.

"Sure I'm all for it." Emmet grinned.

"Me to." Jasper smiled. Jacob looked up at them and a large smile came to his face, he turned to me and his smile dropped.

"You coming?" He muttered, walking towards the door with Jasper and Emmet following behind him.

"I guess." I murmured to myself.

The trip did not take very long and I noticed it was in my neighborhood, just around the corner of my house- what used to our house. Bella's house. I had never wanted to leave the house, it was perfect for me and I had wanted to keep it. I still lived there but I had changed the entire inside of the house. I wanted to start new and fresh but I didn't want to give the house up. It was perfect for me, it was always the perfect house. The memories however, the memories haunted me. The pain in her eyes when I told her I wanted the divorce, the way she cried and pleaded and when she left. The way I never even heard anything from her, they way I had never stopped worrying.

I shook my head at the thoughts and focused on what Jacob was saying.

"She had wanted this house for 4 years and I decided that it was time she got it." Jacob smiled, as he pulled into the drive way.

"This is great man, it perfect for you guys." Jasper mumbled as he stepped out of the car followed by Emmet and then me.

"I know." Jacob snipped. What the fuck is up his ass?

"Its perfect for us, for Bella and I." Jacob muttered. I looked up and gasped at the sight of the house. I knew this house, it was Bella's dream house. It had been _our_ fucking dream house. I had set sight on it but it wasn't on sale and when it was I didn't want to buy it because I knew our relationship was coming to an end. I just couldn't believe it though, it belonged to him now. It belonged to _them. _This house which had made Bella so happy , this house that was supposed to belong to Bella and I belonged to Jake now.

I had dreamed about coming home every day and kissing her in the front porch, I had dreamed of having kids with her and raising them in this same house. Until I changed my mind about her, she hadn't been enough to hold me. She hadn't been enough to keep me there, in her arms. It sounds cruel but she had never been enough.

She was enough for him though, it was clear in his eyes.

It was clear how much he loved her and how much he would be willing to do for her.

And then it came into my mind. She replaced me.

I was fucking pissed, I was fucking livid, she had replaced me! She no longer had me but she had him. I wouldn't be living in the house but it was now Jacob. She had taken him and placed him were I used to be and it hurt.

It fucking hurt.

As I looked up at the big white house I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes. She was going to be so happy, she would probably kiss him and then tell him how much she loves him, and then they would walk upstairs and then they would go in the bedroom and-

I didn't want to think about what would happen next, I could feel the bile coming up my throat. I didn't know why though, I didn't know what I was feeling. I was just confused. And I felt a twinge of anger towards Bella for moving on and doing this to me. I was angry that she had betrayed me like this, angry that she had pretended to be so upset, angry that she had lied to me.

Why the fuck did she lie to me?

"You coming?" Jasper yelled from the door, I nodded.

As soon as I walked in I felt at ease… for some weird reason. I felt at home and as if this house belonged to me. As if the house had chosen me for its owner.

We explored the house and I stared at each room in awe, they were all perfect, Bella would love this house.

And I felt a stab of anger. It wouldn't be me who would show it to her it would be Jacob. I couldn't do anything, this wasn't my house.

The bedroom was perfect, it was a light creamy color with a huge white bed in the middle. There was a desk in the far left of the room and a long white sofa sitting by the big window that showed the lake.

My attention was at the bed though, the sides were carved in some type of swirls and lines, next to the long curved line was a rose. It was an antique and definitely expensive, the head board contained some writing at the bottom, right next to were the pillows were, it was very small but I caught it anyways.

"_Vous le désir de mon cœur." _Was printed write at the bottom of the right side of the headboard, the letters almost impossible to read.

_You are my heart's desires_- I had studied French for two years and I could translate pretty much anything. The quote was carved in an elegant cursive. It was hand carved to and I couldn't help but wonder who this bed belonged to. It obviously had held some meaning to the person who had made the bed, it belonged to a couple. Something, this bed had held some significance to the people who owned it and it was sold. The bed was old about forty years old, it most of cost a fortune.

But Jacob had the money, of course he did. He was fucking perfect, he was perfect in her eyes. In mine he had many flaws, he was all wrong for her.

Maybe I could learn to like him?

Who am I kidding no I wont.

Maybe I can try to like him?

I can try but it might not work.

If he proved himself worthy of her then I would learn to accept him but if not the he would have to get used to my attitude and learn to live with it, especially because he was marrying Bella.

I flinched at the thought.

Bella was family, meaning I saw her a lot, meaning I would have to see him a lot too.

I didn't want to see him around.

"Lets go!" Jake bellowed from downstairs.

What the fuck did he think I was his dog? I wont just let him yell at me like that, someone needs to show him how to respect.

I sound fucking gay.

I threw my head back and laughed.

Fucking Jacob

Fucking Jasper

Fucking Emmet

Fuck them all.

There they were sitting by the pool drinking beer after beer, laughing and joking as if they were the best of friends. What the hell did they think they were doing? They cant possibly like him, right?

They fucking abandoned me, they left me to go so with him. Who the fuck did he think he was stealing my friends?

"Edward come join us." Jasper yelled from across the yard, I rolled my eyes.

No way am I going over there.

"I'm fine." I yelled at him. If I'm not sitting over there its because I don't want to, you dumb dick.

"Okay." He yelled back.

Jasper could be such a fucking idiot some times. Emmet was so drunk he was asleep.

I have to get out of here now. Jacob decided he wanted to go swimming and jumped, fully clothed and jasper decided to join him.

Yeah they were fucking drunk.

"I'm leaving." I exclaimed as I stood up and began walking towards the door. And then Emmet woke up.

"Eddie ww-ere yous goin?" He slurred as he tried to stand up, only to fall down again.

"HOME!" I yelled as I closed the door and headed out.

I caught a cab and was on my way back.

This was crazy, the entire thing was crazy. I left Bella because I couldn't love her, I thought it would take her at least a year before she started dating again but it only took her a couple of months, and then she's engaged?

She never really did care for me, that much was obvious, she didn't love me enough and that… bothered me. It bothered me to know that when she looked at me her heart no longer sped up. It bothered me to know that she belonged to another man. It bothered me to know that when she touched me, she couldn't feel that connection we used to have.

Used to have, she didn't feel it anymore. That hurt because I felt it. I still felt that connection between us and I doubt she felt it too.

She was evading my every thought, she was everywhere and I didn't know why.

Why do I feel this way? I don't love her, I left her. I cant love her but I do care for her.

Bella had been such a big part of my life, she was my childhood friend, my high school sweetheart she had been my wife, my lover and now she was nothing.

What was she now? Just a friendship gone wrong. Just an ex girlfriend, like Tanya and Kate? No she was more than that so much more. She was always more. They were nothing compared to Bella, nothing.

She had been the love of my life, my world she had been everything to me and now…now she wasn't mine.

She was Jacobs, fucking Jacobs.

I went upstairs and closed the door, I was alone in my house. I was finally alone.

"No Emmet, or Jasper, or Jacob." I spat his name out and I couldn't help but wonder why I hated him so much. He never did anything wrong but I loathed him.

But he had Bella….he had Bella.

And that's all he had to do to make me hate him.

Albums, I had so many albums, pictures and videos about us. Everything I had kept it all, but I hadn't looked back at anything.

Now I wanted to.

I sprang up from my bed and ran to the closet, opening it up and grabbing the big box at the far right corner.

I opened it up and smiled.

The first picture was her and me standing right in front of the Eiffel Tower. We were holding hands and looking right into each others eyes. I remembered we had just finished eating at the little café right across the street when a photographer took a picture and Bella asked for a copy. He gave it to her and told her we looked like a great couple, very much in love. We were in love. I still loved her.

I scanned through the pictures and was overwhelmed with emotions happy ones, sad ones, mad ones. Everything.

I stopped at the wedding picture.

We were locked in a passionate embrace, I was holding her right against my chest. And she was looking up at me and it was perfect. Everything was perfect. I remember being so excited because she was finally my wife and I could finally call her mine, no one else would ever have her and I was fucking ecstatic.

I looked down and at the bottom there was a video. It was labeled END. I took the video and headed downstairs to the video player, I put it in and pressed play.

**A/N Oh my goodness. What the heck is in that video? Umm I want to know. Sorry it took so long to update I'm trying. I promise.**

**The big mistake is also up.**

**IF YOU LOVE EDWARD THEN PLEASE REVIEW!**

**I LOVE EDWARD!**


	5. Seeing

**A/N Okay guys here it is another chapter. We find out what's on that video!Your in for a shock- I think. You might like it, you might not. I hope you like it though. Thank you for reviewing and for supporting me throughout this story.**

**Please enjoy and see you at the bottom. V**

**I HAVE A ONE SHOT UP- ITS CUTE PLEASE READ IT!**

CHAPTER 5- Seeing

The screen was blank and I stared and waited. I had no idea what was on this video, I had never seen it before. How did it even get in there? I had packed all our stuff away a week before the divorce was finalized and even though Bella knew where everything was I knew she would want to go back and look at everything. Surely she wouldn't right?

"I know I look like an idiot right now right?" Bella's voice called and I looked up to the television. She was sitting in the middle of a room looking straight at the camera. Her eyes red and puffy from crying.

"Your probably wondering when I made this video and well… I'm at the airport right now. In a bathroom stall, crying like an idiot. It's just hard you know? Everything is falling apart, it already did." She paused as she wiped her tears away.

"I know you don't love me and I do hope you move on but… I just cant be there to see it happen." She sobbed. "I have to get away from it all and I know this is going to hurt you, and I'm sorry but I have to do what's best for me now." She cries. My heart hurts, I hurt her so much. And know I get to see her falling into pieces right in front of my eyes. It was two years ago but I still didn't want to see her cry. I sat there and stared at her as she kept crying.

"I'm going to go away for a while and when I come back, I promise that I will be over you. I know you want to be friends and I'll be ready then. I promise I will be." She murmured as she looked away from the camera.

She did as she promised, she obviously did get over me but we weren't friends yet.

"I'll miss you… I've known you my entire life and this will be really hard on me too. Trust me you wont be the only one who suffers." She whispers, now looking at the floor.

"It hurts and I want you to know that. That's why I'm taping this that's why I made this video… You need to know I feel… How I hurt…" She trails off and I just stare at the screen waiting.

"We were best friends how could you do this to me? I gave you everything, I loved you will all I had and I thought you loved me back. You promised to love me forever you promised that I would be the only one you could ever love. Remember when I left you? I told you that we would never work out and you were devastated and we had only been dating for six months. You pleaded and cried for me to take you back, you told me that you couldn't live without me but you changed your mind. And now I wish… I wish I could take it all back, the dating, the marriage everything. We should have just stayed friends Edward, we would have been better off." She's crying and sobbing but I can hear the truth behind her words and they break me.

She regretted it all, she wishes she had never even gone out with me, she wishes she had never married me. The thought alone clenches my heart, I would have never been able to hold her and kiss her, I would have never been her first I would have never been able to say she was mine. Some other man would have dated her, would have married her and all I felt was anger at her. For saying something like that she really would have taken it all back If she had been able to. She didn't want to marry me! She didn't want any of it!

And then I began to cry, broken hear trenching sobs. She didn't want me. She regretted me. I fell to my knees as I tried to imagine what my life would have been like without her, it would have been all wrong I always needed her. And she regretted me?

How could she even say that to me? I never regretted her! I never regretted loving her I only regretted not stopping the relationship. Because I hurt her, I destroyed her and I felt horrible for that.

I was gasping for air, I felt like I was suffocating and it was all because of this fucking video which happened more than two years ago.

I had promised to love her forever, I had promised to cherish her and stick with her forever but I couldn't continue living like that. I couldn't pretend to love her even though I knew she loved me. She tried to work things out, she tried to talk everything through but I never wanted to. I didn't want to work through things I wanted out.

And I got it, I got out and I was free but I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy because she left me. I divorced her and I expected her to stay with me. I was a fucking fool to think she would stay with me, a fucking fool.

I looked up at the screen and saw that the video had stopped, I forgot I was watching it. I was to busy crying me eyes out, like a fucking girl.

If I felt horrible because she said she regretted me then how did she feel? How had she felt when I told her I didn't love her? That I didn't want her? I tried to imagine her saying that to me when I had proposed to her and I knew I would have felt like dying if she had said that because I loved her that much. Loved, I loved her I no longer did right?

I no longer knew her.

So how could I love her?

I don't, I might feel something, I always felt something with Bella but I didn't feel for her like that.

It had been my decision to leave her, my decision to end the marriage, my decision to move on and now that she's back I cant think straight.

All I can seem to think about is she's with someone else, she's with Jacob and she's going to marry him. I am going to have to sit there and watch her exchange vows with another man, I have to see him lean in and kiss her like I had. I have see her become _his_ wife. When I think about it, I'm sufficating. My heart beat speeds up and I'm desperate, so fucking desperate.

I shouldn't feel this way, I should be happy that she found someone else, that she found happiness in another person. But I cant be happy, I just cant.

I could see that she loved him and that he loved her, but I cant picture them together. As husband and wife. She was going to belong to him, she would be entirely his for the rest of their life together.

My hands clenched at my sides, my eyes closed as I tried to control my breathing. She would be his. Had they…? Had he touched her in that way? No…No… Think about something else…anything else…

She was a virgin when I met her… I was as well. I hadn't been with anyone else but…had she? With **him? **

"With Jacob." I spat his name out, it was shocking with how much venom and anger I said his name. The filth mutt didn't deserve someone like Bella. He didn't.

But he had her and I would hate him for that.

For the rest of my life.

I looked up at the T.V screen again and I wanted to see what was next on the video but I wasn't ready for that yet. So I turned it off and went back upstairs, stumbling and falling while I climbed the stairs, my head was spinning and I felt like I was about to fall over.

As soon as I opened the bedroom door, I collapsed on the bed. Suddenly feeling exhausted.

I rolled onto my side and then I was out. I was asleep in minutes and then I was dreaming.

"_What are you doing?" Bella whispers, from across the room._

"_Your so far…." I murmur as I try to get closer. _

"_Edward… its for the best.." She murmurs, as she walks closer to me._

"_What is?" I mutter, closing the distance between us._

"_Our separation…we're no good together." She whispers, caressing my face._

"_What?…" I whisper, my voice cracking. This is not going to be good._

"_You told me, we were bad for each other… remember, two years ago. You told me… And your right… were poison when together.." She trails off, her face looking at me but not directly, almost as if she was lost in her memories. I couldn't let her get lost in her memories. Not again._

"_Bella. Everything I did back then was a mistake… a huge mistake. I love you." I plead, taking her face in my hands. She shakes her head and I know I'm losing her._

"_We are horrible together… its wrong." She implies, and she pushes my hands away and stands up._

_I feel empty without her._

_Cold, lonely, desperation… I'm losing her. _

"_No baby… no." I deny, we are perfect… I have to have her._

"_I have to go." She says, her voice void of any emotion, she begins walking towards the door._

_I try to follow but I cant move. I'm stuck._

"_No Bella no!" I cry as she reaches the door._

_She looks back, her eyes cold._

"_I have to get back to my life. I'm engaged." She snaps, she's angry. _

_Engaged… it makes me angry. She's mine._

"_Bella.. I love you. Your mine, not his." I snarl, I try to move again but nothing. _

"_I'm not yours Edward. I never was." She states as she opens the door and walks out._

_I fall, and cry. I pull at my hair, I scratch at my face, I'm trying to breath but I cant, I'm suffocating. _

_She's gone._

_She's gone…gone…_

_Nothing else matters but that… she's gone…_

_It's all I could think about as my heart broke apart._

I sit up on my bed, and lean over to catch my breath. I'm sweating and shaking, and I know it was because of that dream.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Did it hold some significance?

Was it a sort of warning? If it was then what was I being warned about?

What the hell was it!

I stand up and pace around my room trying to figure what the dream meant. It had to mean something… it meant something important… but what?

The divorce had already happened and she was still engaged but it looked like we were involved with each other… we had obviously been seeing each other. That much was obvious.

It must mean something really big or… or maybe it was just a dream. A normal dream.

Yes, that's what it was a normal dream.

I decided to leave it at that, and headed downstairs.

I walked into the living room and the memories hit.

Everything came rushing back… The 1st day we bought the house, how much she loved this room… the way she refused to change anything about it… the way I held her while watching a movie, the way I'd kiss her when we snuggled up against the couch.

The way I used to look forward for the movie to be over just so I could take her up to bed and curl up next to her.

The feel of her body against mine, the feel of her hands on my face…

The way I used to caress her skin, how my fingertips lit up with electricity when I touched her face…

She had told me that she had never let anyone hold her like I held her. She claimed that she would never want any other man.

She swore that she would never let another man lay a hand on her…

Did she break that promise?

Did she let him touch her the way I used to touch her?

Did she let him hold her to his chest and let him whisper endearments in her ear?

Did she let him curl up next to her every night? Let him tell her how much he loved her?

I felt something run down my cheek and then I noticed I was crying. I didn't want her to be like that with him, I couldn't stand to see her with him like that every night.

Then I realized it, I was jealous. I didn't want him to have her, I would prefer that she stayed unmarried and alone for the rest of her life. Yes it was cruel and selfish of me to wish that but I still wanted that.

Would I ever find another women? Would I find the women of my dreams and fall in love and marry her?

I seriously doubted that, and I had no idea why.

I didn't deserve happiness, I had done so many things wrong… after she left- I fell apart.

And it was stupid that I fell apart, because I was the one who demanded the divorce, she loved me and I could no longer love her.

She had gone out in search for love and had found it in Jacob.

She would marry him and then they would start a family, they'll be happy in their house with their kids running around, while they look at them with love.

She would forget me… with all the things going on in her life, I'll be the last thing on her mind.

But she will always be on mine, she would always have a place in my heart and I cant lie and say that I don't feel for her because I do. I love her but I'm not in love with her. That's why I couldn't stay in that marriage, I loved her but it wasn't enough for me I had to be in love with her to stay and I wasn't.

I wasn't happy, so I left.

And I'm not happy now either.

I heard a soft knock on my door and I stood up.

Who would come knocking on my door at 10.00 in the night?

I open the door and immediately step back.

Fuck no. What the fuck is he doing here?

"What the fuck do you want Black?" I spit at him, he narrows his eyes.

"We need to sort this shit out Cullen. Bella wants us to get along, and I want her to be happy. So we need to have a little talk. Now Can I come in?" He snaps, tapping his foot impatiently.

I sigh, and reluctantly open the door .

**A/N Oh snap! There's going to be some interesting things going on next chapter.**

**Please Review!- Pretty please with Edward on top :D**

**AND PLEASE I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF YOU GUYS READ MY ONE SHOT! - ITS CALLED REGRETS.**

**PLZ!**


	6. Make Her Happy

A/N I'm so sorry for the wait but my computer got a virus because I was watching vampire diaries online and then my whole computer shut down and I had to wait four days for them to fix it and my dad was pissed it cost him $240.00 to get it fixed. They deleted everything on my computer too so I had to start this chapter all over. But I rushed through this to get you guys something to enjoy. I loved vampire diaries and Damon's hot but Edward is my favorite.

**Please excuse my blabbering about Damon and enjoy**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer does.**

CHAPTER 6- Make her happy

He walked in and I motioned for him to sit on the couch, he sat down and I walked to the other side of the room.

I wasn't going to sit next to him, that was for sure. I just wanted to know what he wanted.

"Why are you here?" I ask, trying to keep my neutral. Not wanting to show my annoyance towards the man in front of me.

"To talk about Bella." He says, staring at me intently. I tense, but try not to show it. What does he want to talk about?

"What about her?" I deadpan. What was so important that he comes at 10 in the night to talk about?

"Listen I know that you don't like me and I don't like you either. But Bella wants us to get along so, we have to at least try to get along to make her happy." Jacob told me, I just stared at him. Did he really think that it was that easy? That I could just like him just like that? It wasn't that simple.

"I don't think that's going to go very well." I tell him, keeping my voice soft and nonchalant. I don't want to fight with him right now.

"I know it isn't going to go well but that's why we have to pretend that we are getting along. When we are around her then we are civil to each other when she's not we don't even have to look at each other. I just want to see her happy and she really wants you to be a part of her life again." He murmurs to me. His eyes pleading with me to agree with him.

Bella wants me back in her life, she wanted me to be there even though I had practically ruined her whole life. She was giving me a second chance to be there with her and I was ecstatic. I wasn't ecstatic about having to see Jacob all the time though.

"I don't know… I don't even know if I can stand to see you everyday, I mean our first encounter wasn't really the greatest moment." I say as I look at him. He looks down.

"I know but I just… I just want to try this. She wants you to be there for her. She cares for you. I've seen it and even though we might hate each other we can at least try to pretend for her. You owe her that much. Don't you think?" He murmurs looking up at me expectantly.

I know what he's trying to do, he is trying to make me feel guilty. Its working.

"I owe her much more than that." I whisper loud enough for him to hear.

"Exactly and this is what she wants, she wants to see you and me getting along. It'll make her happy and that's what I plan on doing for the rest of my life, making Bella happy." He mumbles looking away.

If it only were that easy, he might say that but he cant mean it. He cant make her happy forever, maybe for the time being but not forever. He might not be happy forever either, I wasn't.

"What about your happiness ? What if you fall in love with someone else? What if your miserable in your marriage? Are you going to stay with her just to keep her happy?" I question, curious to how he's going to explain that.

"Believe it or not I would stay with her. Because my misery would be nothing compared to how she would feel at the end. I would rather see her happy then be happy myself, I love her and even though you think it may not be forever, I think it will be." He smiles, a small smile at me and I'm shocked. He really does love her.

But I loved her too and I wasn't able to stay with her. Everyday was the same routine, wake up, go to work, come home and sleep. I knew Bella how much Bella loved me so I stayed, despite how miserable I was. I stayed with her for five months just because I wanted her to be happy. I pretend as if nothing was different, we went out, I kissed her held her and told her that I loved her. But I didn't feel for her anymore, not the romantic way.

I did feel something though, whenever a man would look at her, I would feel the panic eating away at my chest. Panic of losing her to someone else, panic of her going off with another man. I couldn't see her with someone else, and that's why I stayed with her for so long. I knew that I would divorce her one day and then she would meet someone else and she would be happy with him. She would fall in love with a man that wasn't me, and the pain I felt when I thought about that was excruciating, knowing that I would have to watch her kiss another man, see him touch her and be with her right in front of me. I would have to watch her forget about me and let her move on with someone else. She would fall in love with him, marry him, and then they would eventually have kids. And I would have to watch her do all that without me. The fear of all that happening kept me with her for some time. But I just couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't pretend any longer so I asked for the divorce. But my fear never went away, I would rather die then know that she would go home to another man, that she would make love to another man. The thought of it made me feel like I couldn't breath and I almost backed out of the divorce. I was so close to saying no when I thought about that. But I decided that it was for the best and continued. I had to let her go, and that meant that I had to accept that she would be with someone else eventually. So I kept my head up high and took everything that was thrown at me.

I had seen her with a man three weeks before the divorce took place, I had been walking to get some lunch and I saw her sitting at a coffee shop with a tall blonde man. She was laughing and he was holding her hand in both of his. All I felt was anger, I was livid that she was with another man weeks before our divorce. I watched as he smiled at her and she looked into his eyes and then I felt nothing but hurt. There was my wife with someone else and the thing was I couldn't say anything to her because we were about to end our relationship. She would be my ex-wife and she was free to date him if she wanted but right then and there all I could feel was pain because she was already looking for another relationship.

I couldn't stand staying with her forever but I couldn't stand letting anyone be with her either. I refused to support that. So I walked away from them and walked back to my new apartment, drinking away until I couldn't even stand up anymore.

She had stopped talking to me and refused to even acknowledge my presence. She ignored me, until she decided to talk to me three days before we were due in court. She explained why she had ignored me, saying that she was preparing herself for how life would be like since she would be living alone. I knew there was more to it but I didn't ask, it was her business not mine. Then she leaves the day after the divorce was finalized and I don't hear from her again until now. She shows up and then tells everyone she's engaged and now I have to pretend to like her fiancée.

"Umm… So what do you say?" Jacob asks, breaking me out of my reverie. I take a deep breath and nod slowly, I'll do it.

"Okay I'll try." I tell him, he smiles and gets up.

"Good and so will I and now you get to start calling me Jake. I have to get going but we are all hanging out together at Jasper's house on Tuesday so that's when we start pretending." He tells me and I nod. I better start practicing my acting skills.

"Okay then! I'm off." He exclaims and then he's gone. He got what he wanted and he left a second later. What a prick.

I exhaled and went to sit down on the couch again, thinking about what just happened. I think he tricked me, in a way he did. He was a smart fucker that was for sure, I would have to be careful when around him. But I was doing this for Bella, she wanted me to be in her life again and I was not going to screw that up. She's giving me a second chance and I am going to make the best of it.

I am going to be her friend and support her with whatever she does, I want to be close to her again and I will do anything to get there, even try to be nice to Jacob.

I heard a beep and turned around to were the sound was, it was my cell phone with Alice's name flashing on the screen. I looked at it curiously and then I picked it up and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I grumbled, not in the mood to talk to her. She hadn't even bothered to tell my about Bella so why should I talk to her?

"Listen Edward… I'm sorry about keeping Bella from you all these years and for not telling you that she was coming back but I couldn't tell you. I promised that I wouldn't tell you. She didn't want you to know because she needed to be away from you. So I kept my mouth shut and went along with what she said." She whispered to me, keeping her voice light but it was trembling along with every word. She was trying to get me to feel bad for her, not working.

She had lied to me about one of the most important person in my world and she decided a apology was going to get me to forgive her?

She was going to have to do much more than apologize.

"You hid her from me. You saw how I was suffering and how miserable I was and didn't say anything! I was so worried about her. I didn't know anything, I didn't know If she was okay, I didn't-"

"How do you think she was! Edward you left her, you divorced the women that you had loved your whole life, and the thing was she still loved you. She cried all the time and I was there to help her but it wasn't enough. Then Jake came in and helped her, I heard the difference in her. She laughed and I heard the life in her voice again and I was so happy because she was living again. She was finally happy." She sniffled and I could tell she was getting ready to cry.

I hurt her, I had destroyed her. I was horrible to Bella, I had broken her heart by leaving, I left knowing she still loved me.

What was I to do though? Stay with her for the rest of my life, disregarding the fact that I was miserable? I couldn't stay and when I left her it hurt more than I ever thought it would.

"See Edward! I couldn't tell you anything." Alice whispers, pleading with me to understand and I do. But I still cant forgive her, its to soon.

" I know Alice… I just need time. This all is happening so fast, I just found out that Bella is back and that she's engaged and I need time to digest this. Its all too much." I tell her and I hear her sigh.

"I understand… But I just don't know why she came back." She murmurs and I stiffen. Did she not want her here? Had something happened? What was her problem?

"What are you talking about?" I snap angrily, she prefers that Bella stay away from me forever?

"Edward she was so happy and her life was perfectly fine in Chicago so why come back? It's bound to cause problems, you live here and after what you had done to her I didn't expect her to come back. She shouldn't have come back." She whispers the last sentence and I'm fucking livid.

She wants to keep Bella away from me! She wants her to hate me! I can feel my breaths coming faster and I feel like punching something.

"What are you talking about! You would have preferred to see me worry every day then! You don't want to see me with her do you! You don't want us to be friends!" I seethe into the phone.

"YOUR RIGHT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE FRIENDS! Okay Edward I don't want you to be friends because you're going to end up hurting her at the end. You are going to end up hurting again and I don't want that." She states and I'm hurt. She wants to keep Bella away from me, I cant let her do that.

"I'm not going to let you keep her from me. Forget it Alice, I wont lose her again." I warn her. I wont let her ruin this.

"Just know that I am not letting you hurt her again and I'll do everything I can to prevent that. If that means keeping her away from you then so be it. I wont let you hurt her." She growls and then the connection ends. She hung up.

I throw my phone on the couch and lay back. She doesn't approve of me being friends with Bella, that means she's going to do everything she can to make sure that we don't become friends. Alice would ruin everything. I groaned at the thought of what she could do when angry. I was so scared that Alice would ruin my only chance with being in Bella's life. I couldn't let that happen, I refused to let that happen again.

I would try to reason with Alice and hope that she listened. I needed her to comprehend how much this meant to me and tell her that I would never hurt Bella again. I didn't want to ever cause her any harm and I would make sure Alice knew this.

I planned on making Bella happy in every way I knew possible, and I would make her happy.

I smiled to myself and nodded my head, agreeing to my promise. I walked towards the kitchen and pulled out a bowl and milk, grabbing the corn flakes and pouring them in my bowl. I sat down and happily chewed on my cereal, while thinking of ways to make this work.

I knew that this whole thing would not be easy, its going to have its ups and downs and everything may end in disaster but all I could do was hope that everything worked out. If we got caught then Bella would kill us, she would feel betrayed and then she wont speak to me again, to me but Bella would still talk to Jacob. So I was risking my friendship with her and all Jacob was risking was a fight with her? I would be the one to end up hurt and alone anyways so why not try. This was what I told myself again and again but I didn't believe it myself.

I gave up with the thinking and headed upstairs to my bedroom, I plopped on the bed and looked at the ceiling. I sighed as I realized how complicated my life was becoming, it wasn't complicated when Bella was gone. Everything had been so easy when she was gone, with all those other girls. It had been so easy to keep them happy and to keep them interested in me.

They had all been so easy to please but they never really seemed to please me.. I was never really happy. I remember how happy I had been when I had met Bella, I was on cloud nine, I was in love and I was as happy as could ever be and when we got married I felt like the luckiest man in the world, because she was mine to keep for the rest of my life. But my happiness faded quickly, I grew bored of her. I was tired of my life with her so I ended it, and it was the best thing I did. If I would have stayed then I would have still been living with her, being as miserable as ever.

Sometimes I did wonder though, what if I had stayed? Would I really have been miserable? Would I have been trying to make our relationship work? Would I have be happy seeing her everyday? Seeing her gorgeous smile, hearing her lilting laugh, touching her soft white skin, it wouldn't be bad. I smiled softly, as I recalled our first anniversary together, she had refused to go out anywhere, saying she wanted it to be just us together in our house. She was so stubborn, and that was one of the many things that I loved about her. She was perfect in my eyes, but as the years flew by I saw all her imperfections. She would always have to do everything herself because she was afraid if she let someone else do it they'd get it wrong, she would always have to have everything in place, she always wanted me to be on time to everything, she was controlling and I had never noticed that before we married. I saw the jealousy whenever a women would look at me, but that jealousy had never been anything compared to mine. I would rather rip the man apart then watch them even touch her arm, she was mine and I staked my claim. Her jealousy got out of hand one time though. I had been hanging out with this girl name Leah from the hospital, she was a nice girl but she was damaged, left all alone to care for her child and herself. I wanted to help her so I began going over to her house, buying things for her and her kid, taking them out to eat. I wanted to make them feel like they had someone there for them. Bella had been waiting for me when I got home, her arms crossed and her face showing nothing but anger. She stared at me and I looked back, confused of why she was so angry. She shoved my credit card bill in my face and started screaming about why I was buying baby things accusing me of cheating on her. I had never told Bella about Leah, for this exact reason, she would overreact. I told her that too, I said that she was overreacting for no reason because Leah was just a friend.

That got Bella angry, she yelled at me and screamed about how I could to that to her, saying that she had been faithful and that she turned down all the other men for no reason. I was fucking pissed off, here was my wife saying that she wanted to sleep with other men, I walked right past her and headed upstairs, ignoring her yelling as I walked towards our room. I shut the door closed and laid back on my bed, trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. She wished she had slept with all those other men… which other men? She had never told me anything about any other men. I sat up my mind boiling with anger as I thought about how many other men had tried to get with her and I knew it must have been a lot, she was gorgeous and funny and just plain perfect. Who wouldn't want her? I had heard the door open and then I saw her standing there, her eyes red and nose pink, in result of the crying. I shuffled over to her but she flinched away, shaking her head at me.

"I just need time." She had said, as she walked over to her bag and pulled some shirts out of her dresser, I tensed. Was she leaving me? Had this fight made her realize that I never had deserved her?

"What..?" I whispered, as I stared at her dumb struck. "I didn't do anything Bella, I swear. It was just me trying to help her, she's all alone with a kid and no one to help. Please understand that." I pleaded with her, her eyes softened and she nodded.

"I believe you, but I still need some time. I'm heading over to Alice's house. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon." She murmured looking down, she turned and then walked out of the room.

I sat there in shock. That had been our first fight as husband and wife.

That had been first fight of the hundreds that were to come. I shook my head at the memory, and I looked around the room. This room held so many memories, good one's, bad one's. But it held everything I had ever known. That's why I stayed with the house, because it held to many memories to let go of. And I couldn't let go of the last thing that I had of Bella. It had been to hard to do, so I stayed and now her I sit. Alone. In an empty house. With nothing but memories to keep me sane. With nothing but Bella all over the house, with nothing but memories of her, and of what we used to be. Memories of us.

**A/N PLEASE READ! I'm sorry it took so long but I was so busy. It might take me a while to update because midterms start tomorrow for me. I have them until Friday of next week and I have to study my butt off. So please keep that in mind.**

**And Please Review! If I get to 25 I will work faster, I promise. **


	7. The talk of the end

**A/N I am so sorry about the wait but here it is, starting with Edward's flash backs and that's while he's thinking of divorcing Bella. This whole chapter is him thinking about what happened. At the end you get one sentence in the present.**

**Next chapter- Edward and Bella talk.**

CHAPTER 7- The talk of the end.

EDWARD POV

-Flashback-

Not to be, supposed to be, meant to be… Made to be, perfect for each other, poison for each other. Better off together, better off alone… Love is there forever. It wears off eventually, leave her, stay with her. Be with her, live without her. Easier… Harder…. Which to choose? I don't know.

Could I really do it? Go through with this? Could I really look at her and tell her that I don't love her enough to stay with her anymore? Can I really look into her eyes and destroy her heart like that?

Or worse could I really give up my best friend like that?

I cant but I have to… I let this go on way to long and its time to man up and tell her what I think and face the music. It's time to end this and even though its going to kill her its for the best. For me at least. I'm tired of living this life, I cant take it any longer. So I'll do it tonight, we'll go for a walk in the park and then I'll tell her.

I waited until she got home, she came in with a big smile on her lovely face and I felt horrible, knowing I would ruin it. She leaned in and kissed me on the lips, as she took her coat off and placed it on the sofa. I opened my arms for her, out of habit, and she dived into them. She whispered her love for me in my ear and then pulled away to look at my face.

"My beautiful boy." She whispers to me and I held in the sob threatening to escape me. She always called me that, it was her endearment to me and I was going to lose that too.

"What's wrong babe?" She questions, her face full of confusion. No doubt for the way I've been acting.

"You've been acting so distant lately… why?" She whispers to me, as her hand reaches up to cup my face. I lean into her touch, her fingers trace my lips, my nose, my eyes. And I close my eyes as she explores my face.

I feel her soft, warm lips press against my forehead and I hold her closer to me. Can I lose her? Can I step aside and watch my whole world come crumbling down? How will I deal if she decides that she never wants to speak to me again? What if I lose her for good?

It will fucking destroy me. I pull her against me as tight as I can and I hear her gasp. My eyes flash up, panic creeping up as I frantically search her face for any indication that I hurt her. She shakes her head and smiles at me, I relax. She's fine, she's okay…

I take a deep breath and I know its time. I have to tell her now.

"Can we go for a walk?" I ask, my voice horse and it trembles slightly.

Her eyes search my face, but I keep it emotionless.

"Okay.. Just give me a second let me-" She starts, I cut her off.

"No lets just go. Your fine." I tell her, she just nods and reaches for my hand. I flinch away.

I hear her take a deep breath and then I feel her move away from me. I panic, she's too far away. What if this is the last time I get to feel her near me? I have to get closer, and I do. I reach out my hand and she takes it in hers. I pull her closer to me and take deep breaths.

I stop walking and let go of her hand, stepping away from her. Putting distance between us. She shakes her head and takes a step towards me. I take a step away.

She frowns, and her lips form into a pout. That fucking pout I hated, she got everything that way but I wasn't giving in this time. I needed to live again, I needed to go out with my friends, I had to meet new people and have fun with my life not be here for the rest of my life. Stuck in a place that brings me no happiness at all, my mother even told me to do what I thought was right and she loved Bella. The first years were wonderful, I loved her so much and I thought it would be like that for the rest of the years to come. It wasn't, at least not for me.

I turned from her and composed my face. I heard her exhale shakily and then she whispered.

"Edward what's wrong?" Her voice shook, as if she knew what was to come.

"Bella… we need to talk." I murmur to her and I feel her step away from me. I look up and see tears welling up in her eyes. I feel as if I'm loosing air.

"No… we all know what those words mean." She whimpers, as she shakes her head frantically.

"Bella-" I try, her tears break loose. They pour down her cheeks and she sobs and I want to do nothing but hold her to me and say that we'll be fine. But we wont be fine.

"Why are you doing this to me! I'm so good to you! I'm the perfect wife. I try to be everything for you." She sobs, wrapping her arms around her torso to keep herself from falling to the ground.

I feel my own eyes water as I see how true her words really are, she always tried to be the perfect wife. She was perfect but… not for me. She was meant for someone else. I gasp at the wave of pain that crashes over me. She was never really mine, she belongs to another man that is searching for her out there somewhere. I shake my head as I try to get that out of my mind but I know it will always be there nagging me in the back of my mind.

But I have to be strong and get through this right now.

"Bella I don't feel that way for you anymore. I cant feel more and I don't know why. I tried, trust me I tried for five whole months, but I just cant anymore. I cant pretend to be happy with you. I'm fucking miserable Bella. I cant stay with you because I'm destroying myself." I cry as I tug on my hair. I hear her gasp quietly and then she falls to the ground. I rush to help her up, taking her hands. But she snatches them away from my hands, and all I can feel is rejection creeping up me. I don't want her to hate me.

"You don't get to touch me anymore. At all. You want a divorce well then that is a consequence that comes with it." She snaps at me, her sadness becoming anger.

I feel as if she has just punched me in the gut, she cant ask that. She cant do that to me!

Anything but that, I cant even hold her hand? Hug her? Is that also in that category?

"I'm sorry for everything Bella if-" I begin, my body shaking with the sobs that threatened to escape me. I didn't want to break down in front of her, I shouldn't want to cry its my idea!

"If what? Why didn't you finish that? It would have been better if we never met? Is that what you were going to say?" She yells at me, as she looks up from the floor. She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand and glares up at me.

I cant imagine what it would have been like if I had never met Bella, but maybe it would have been for the best.

I don't answer though, I look away. I hear some shuffling and then I feel something swift by me. I look up and see Bella walking away.

"Bella!" I call, she stops walking and her back tenses. She turns around slowly and I see all the pain and sorrow in her eyes, and I shrink back knowing I did that.

"You know what Edward, it would have been better if we never met. You should have left me alone that day at the club. You should have stayed away from me and I should have never said yes when you asked me on that date, we should have never dated. I shouldn't have married you." She murmurs as she looks at me. I feel my chest constrict in pain and I cant bear looking at her. She didn't want me, she didn't want to be in my life and she didn't want to be happy for all those years before today.

She regrets me? She regrets marrying me, spending her time on me? Its my turn to grab at my waist, as I try to hold myself together.

I cant imagine not having met her. We loved each other! For years we had a great life and she resents us? How can she say that to me? How dare her!

I don't regret meeting her, I was never going to say that.

"You really hope you hadn't..?" I whisper to her, my body tenses as I await her answer.

I see her resolve crumbling and the anger is gone and replaced by the anguish and pain. I see her shake her head.

"No. I am happy I met you but it would have been easier if you hadn't come up to me that day. We would be living different lives and you would probably still be happy." She tells me, her voice shaking with every word.

I hate myself for doing this to her, I hate myself for hurting her but I have to think about myself and I have to make myself happy. I cant make us both happy.

"I don't and I wont ever regret meeting you Bella. You were my first love, my personal sun, my best friend. You were everything to me and I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like if I had never met you and married you. I love you Bella but I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm so sorry…" I trailed off my voice cracking as I thought of how much those words must of hurt her.

I saw her face crumple in pain and I heard her breathing speed up.

"I cant- I d-don't know what to do… I-I cant." She cries as she turns away from me. She's hiding from me. I don't like it.

'No baby look at me. Don't hide from me please." I plead, I cant stand her doing that. I hate it when she does that. I see her tense and sobs overtake her body, her whole form shaking violently.

I stare at her horrified, because its me who did this to her. I don't want to hurt her. I hate hurting her, I despise making her cry.

" Why did you call me that?" She snaps at me, her back still turned away. I have no idea what she's talking about. What did I call her?

"I d-ont…" I stutter, she cuts me off.

"Baby! You called me your baby.. You say you don't love me but you call me that? Are you trying to hurt me?" She sniffles but I can hear the anger brewing in her voice.

She must feel betrayed, she must feel unworthy, unloved. She most be absolutely devastated and I knew that if it was the situation were reversed and I she had been leaving me that I wouldn't get through that. It hurt to think how much pain I was causing right now.

"I didn't mea to call you that. It slipped." I tell her, my voice void of emotion.

"Like our relationship. It slipped out of your grasp and this is the end result." She murmured to me. I didn't say anything. There was nothing more to say.

This was the end and from this day on I don't want to be involved with her ever again.

I need to be happy and that means leaving her.

"I'm sorry" I whisper again. She sighs and shakes her head, as she turns to face me.

"Sorry wont fix anything." She whispers, she looks at me again and then her face turns sad again.

"I'm not going to cause any problems. You want to be happy then I will do everything I can to ensure that happens. I'll have my lawyer contact yours and we can get the papers filed." She whispers to me. I feel my chest constrict and I feel like falling to my knees and telling her that I don't want to go through with this. But I don't. I nod.

"Thank you Bella." I tell her, my voice sincere and calm. She looks up and her eyes meet mine. I gasp at the electric current that passes between us.

She laughs lightly and I know she felt it too.

"I never knew what that was. It'll wear off." She assures me, I stare at her.

I don't want it to wear off. Its what first drew me to you.

"Well then. I better get going. I'll talk to my lawyer tonight. Goodbye Edward." She says, trying to keep her voice steady but it shakes along with every word.

She walks up to me and opens her arms for me. I know I shouldn't accept her hug, I know I should just shake her hand and walk away but I cant. I need to feel her against me one more time. This last time. I walk into her arms and wrap my arms around her, pressing her against my chest. I hear her gasp but I disregard it. I kiss her head and then look down at her neck. I take a deep breath, inhaling her sweet aroma, trying to keep it engraved in my memory.

Then I nuzzle my face in her neck. My lips inches away from the soft skin. I hear her breath coming faster and I pull back a little. I inhale, as my hand moves down from the top of her head to her back. She tries to pull away and I panic.

No! Please no! Give me another minute. I tighten my hold on her, afraid that this is the last time I get to touch her in anyway. I can let go this soon.

"One more minute." I plead, as I rest my head on hers.

She stills, but then relaxes and her arms encircle my waist. I choke back a sob at how good that feels. She rubs circle on my back, and all I can think of is try to get closer. She stops touching me and I feel the panic coming back up. Not yet! Don't stop, please keep going. Its almost as if she hears my thoughts because she starts touching me again. I relax, and pull her even closer to me. I hear a soft cry escape her lips and I pull back, horrified that I've hurt her.

"D-did I hurt you?" I stutter out, my eyes wide with panic.

She shakes her head, I relax.

"It wasn't that. I promise." She reassures me, I nod and reach for her hand, she moves back before I can reach it. She doesn't want me to touch her. I know she told me this but it hurts even more than I thought it would.

"Bella? Please…" I plead as I try to take her hand, again she moves away.

"I have to go." She says, her voice shaking. She turns and begins walking away from me. What? No. This cant be goodbye. Not like this!

"Bella!" I yell and I begin walking towards her, she looks at me and then takes off running. I run after her, but she's too fast. I slump down to the ground and watch as her figure disappears.

I pull at my hair with my fingers and yell out. Thunder booms and rain begins to fall but I just sit there, on the ground staring towards were she disappeared from my view.

And its my turn to cry. I sob, I yell, I scream but my cries arent heard over the loud, booming thunder.

- END OF FLASHBACK.-

That's what I do all afternoon, sit on my front porch, staring at the sky and remember.

I think back and remember.

**A/N And there it is. I'm sorry it took so long and I didn't proofread so please excuse my mistakes. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Please Review- Tell me what you think and if you want Edward and Bella to have the talk next chapter.**

**Love you all! **


	8. Not Known

**A/N I AM STILL ALIVE! I took forever and ever to update but I am going to continue this story. My attention for Twilight just isn't what it used to be before and I had writers block. This Chapter is short, like really short but I didn't know what to write in it. I do promise to try harder but I write my chapters as I go along, next time I put up a story I will have my chapters already written and will update weekly, I swear I have it started already. I updated The girl, the son, and the father already and in my opinion it was amazing. PLEASE READ THAT STORY AND REVIEW TO SEE IF I SHOULD CONTINUE. I really would appreciate if you did, I also promise to update this one faster. I PUT A ONE SHOT UP. PLEASE READ. It took me 3 hours to write and I would appreciate it if you read and reviewed. **

CHAPTER 8- Not Known

She wasn't suppose to be here, not yet. Too early… I cant do it yet. How am I supposed to confront her? How can I go up there and demand for answers if _I_ am not yet ready? She may be ready, she may be fine with us talking but I'm to do that. I don't think I want to have to explain all my reasons for doing the thing I did. I do not want to have to look her in the eye and tell her how miserable I was without her being there to help me through. I don't want to know why she picked Jacob and I most certainly did not want to know if she had been intimate with anyone else. I didn't need to know any of those thing. But I was curious… I wanted to know why she had chosen to go with Jacob. And I had to convince her that I was okay with him now. It was part of the plan and I knew I had to keep my end of the deal. I wanted to be Bella's friend and I have to get along with her fiancée, or else it would be a complete and utter disaster.

She had text me yesterday. Asking to talk over some coffee. I had yet to reply, I wasn't sure if I wanted to yet. I wasn't sure if I would be able to talk to her. But I know I owe her that much.

**- 12.00 I'll be there- Edward**

I hold me breath, hoping that maybe she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Maybe she wants to reschedule. I hope.

-**Okay see u there.- Bella**

Great, she still wants to talk. What am I going to say to her? What is she going to ask?

Calm… I have to stay calm. Deep breaths, in and out. I will sit there and let her do the talking, maybe I'll ask a question or two and I will answer all of hers. Then, I'll tell her that Jacob and I are trying to get along. She'll be happy and then I'll leave with the satisfaction of knowing that she is happy. Its perfect. That's all.

I glance at the clock and it reads 11:43. Shit!

I sprinted up the steps and opened my closet, picking out a blue T-shirt and long jeans. I pulled them on and went to get my car keys. I hoped in the car, and sped away.

Of course it had to be my luck, that I get stopped by the police. He writes me a ticket and by the time I arrive its already 12:40.

I push the door open and walk in, breathing heavily while searching for her.

I glance around and cant see her. Shit did she leave?

I see the waiter coming my way and I stop him.

"Excuse me did you see a women with long brown hair, she has brown eyes, extremely pale. Skinny and kind of medium height?" I question, he smiles and nods.

"Pretty little thing she was, she waited for 25 minutes and then got up and left." He replied, his voice holding an accusing tone.

It pissed me off, not only the fact that he was so open to discus how attractive he found Bella, but then he's accusing me of doing something? What if I was her boyfriend? Would the fucking asshole still talk about her like that?

My fists clenched at my side and I gritted my teeth.

"You shouldn't have kept her waiting." He chuckles, and I fucking want to punch him in his face.

In his good-looking face. The fucker is tall and blonde and blue eyed. Was he flirting with my Bella the entire time?

What the fuck I cant even leave her alone now without her getting attacked by men?

Men, always going after my women. Well after my ex-women, but still. They could chose any women and of all of them, he had to lay his eyes on Bella.

I turn my back towards the man and rush outside, searching frantically for Bella. Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of brown hair catches my attention. I turn around and she's sitting on a bench, facing the water, her back to me. I take a deep breath, put my hands in my pockets and approach her, slowly and cautiously.

She doesn't hear me approach, I clear my throat to catch her attention. It works, she turns around and looks right at me.

I smile sheepishly, and she returns my smile, but hers is bright and full of happiness. She stands up and steps in front of me.

"Nice for you to join me Edward." She teases, her voice light, happy.

"I'm so sorry Bella, really I was actually going to come earlier but I got caught up-" I begin my speech only to get cut off.

"It's fine really, at least you came." She states, her perfectly shaped eyebrow lifts and she gives me an accusing look.

"You weren't planning on backing out. Were you?" She questions, her voice strong now and I hope to god that she doesn't turn this into something more then it really is.

"No! No really I wasn't, I promise." I say, my voice bordering on desperation. I don't want her to get mad, I've had enough of that and I cant take anymore of it.

"Okay then, we just have to discuss a couple of things I have to leave in 20 minutes I have an appointment with my caterer. So since we decided that we would all just get along, then we just have to clear some things up." She states, I'm annoyed that she just wants to get this over with but I understand why she would want that.

I'm back in the beginning, the day I left her and I wonder if we will ever progress. I know she wasn't one to hold things against people but after what I did for her I would understand if she did. I glance up at her and she's looking at me, I shift under her scrutinizing gaze. I feel uncomfterable with her just staring at me, almost as if she's studying me.

I don't know what I'm suppose to do, or say but I feel as if she's expecting something from me. I know one thing, she's not going to open up today, maybe in the future she'll be willing to talk about it. I thought she wanted to discuss that now but she clearly doesn't.

"Of course, what exactly do you want to talk about?" I question, keeping my voice void of emotion. She's not revealing any emotions so why should I?

"I just wanted to say something, about us and what happened between us." She exhales, her voice shaking.

"What about it?" I murmur, finally looking at her. Her eyes are cold, and I cant depict what she's feeling.

"I'm just asking that we forget what happened, I want no awkwardness between us. I just want to be friends again and I want to be happy here. I want us to try to get along, I don't hate you Edward, I never did." She tells me, I'm stunned that she wants to be my friend regarding everything I ever did to her, but I'm happy that she wants to try. Asking me to forget us though… I don't think that's possible. But I keep that to my self and agree with her.

"If that's what you want then okay." I answer simply. A small smile appears on her face, almost as if she's thanking me. I know she's not though, she's just relieved that she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

"It is thank you. Edward I have to go now, but we can get together if you have some questions." She glances up at me, and I just nod.

"Yeah… okay." I respond, I sound like a fucking idiot but I don't know what else to say right now.

She stands up, grabs her purse and then stands in front of me. Then she does something that shocks me, she hugs me. I'm surrounded by her sweet smell and I can feel her warmth surrounding me. I wrap my arms around her waist, and pull her against me. She's so close I can feel her heart beating against me. I know this is wrong to do, but she doesn't pull away, so neither do I. I hold her against me and close my eyes, I feel her stiffen and I immediately let her go.

I step back and look down at her. She's staring up at me with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and all I can think is why did I let her go? My heart speeds up and I see her step closer to me. I step forward and my eyes immediately fall to her lips, and all I can think is I want to kiss her. I move closer, and its like the trance is broken, she steps back and looks away from me.

"I-I have to go." She mutters, then she turns and walks away without looking back.

I shake my head and ask myself what I was thinking, I don't want Bella. I left her and she's engaged. I tell myself that I don't want her, I tell myself that I don't miss her in that way but deep down I know I'm lying to myself.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jacob. Jacob Black. Jacob Ephraim Black.

Isabella. Isabella Swan. Isabella Marie Swan.

Isabella Black.

I cant imagine her bearing his last name, it just sounds wrong. My last name suited her name. Isabella Cullen, such a beautiful combination in her name, unlike Isabella Black. It sounds horrid, a horrible combination. Meaning that she clearly doesn't belong with such a man as vile, and selfish as Jacob Black. She just wasn't meant for him, they even look wrong together.

We're all having dinner at my parents house, and Jacob and Isabella are seated right in front of me. They're holding hands and she's touching him and I'm just sitting here watching him touch her and I'm getting annoyed as fuck.

Cant they sit still and eat! I roll my eyes and look away from them, I promised I would behave around Jacob but he's just plain out rude to me so why would I respect him?

"Edward sweetie are you okay?" Esme questions, worry clear in her voice. I glare at her, when everyone turns their attention to me.

"I'm fine." I say through gritted teeth, as I look down at my plate.

"You haven't touched your food." She mentions, I pick up my fork and stab at the chicken.

"I'm not a fan of chicken. You know that." I speak, anger is apparent in my voice.

"What? You adore chicken." She insists, confusion is written all over her tone.

My fist slams on my plate, causing everyone to jump up. Everyone is staring at me shock on their faces.

"I don't want any fucking chicken now so shut up and stay out of my fucking business!" I snarl, Esme just stares at me in shock, Carlisle is glaring at me, his face showing nothing but fury for talking to Esme that way.

Alice is looking down, looking guilty as fuck and I totally agree that this is all her fault, she planned the dinner. Jasper is trying to comfort Alice. I look at Jacob and he's just confused, the dumb fucker doesn't know what's going on. Bella has an incredulous look on her face, shock overtakes her expression and then suspicion.

I look away before she can decipher any emotions written on my face, I don't want her to know that I'm annoyed that Jacob cant keep his filthy hands to himself. He's been touching her all dinner.

"Don't talk to your mother that way. Edward apologize. Now." Carlisle scolds, I feel like I'm a 5 year old. I'm going to be a rebellious five year old then.

I stand up, push my chair in and walk out the door. I can hear Esme yelling my name, and calling me back inside but I ignore it. I get in my car and speed away.

o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o

Jacob smiles at me now, I smile back but mine is always forced.

He talks to me now, no anger in his voice. I try to keep it out of mine.

Jacob invites me places now, I always find an excuse to get out of it.

He think's we're friends now, that makes one of us.

Jacob likes me now, he thinks that I like him too. What a lie.

He tells Bella we get along, and that's the reason I tolerate him.

Bella is still tense around me, she never wants to be alone with me. She doesn't open up, not that I expected her too. It makes me mad though, that she doesn't want to try to connect with me, I know she doesn't trust me but I want her to try to trust me.

I play a big part in the avoidance, I try to stay away from her too. I don't want to stress things between us anymore then it already is.

I hear my phone ring and I run to pick it up, until I see the name on the screen. Jacob Black.

What does he want? Another get together? Something he needs to tell me? Is it about Bella? Is she hurt, in trouble?

I immediately pick it up.

"Jacob, is everything alright! What's wrong?" My voice is full of panic and he chuckles. The fucker chuckles at my concern!

"Chill out dude, I was just calling to tell you that I'm having a party at my place tomorrow. A get together, just a couple of friends for beer and pizza while we watch the basketball game. Are you in?" He asks, I stay quiet.

What do I have to lose? I have nothing to do tomorrow, just lay around all day. I could tolerate a couple of hours with Black, and it would make it look like we really are bonding. So I guess….

"Sure. What time?" I question, keeping my voice tone neutral. But trying to add a bit of interest.

"At 7.30. You know were we live." He states smugly, its one of the biggest houses in the neighborhood. He's so full of himself, another reason why we don't get along. I roll my eyes and this plan suddenly doesn't seem as appealing to me as it did before. I wont cancel though, I am going to try for Bella.

"Yeah I know where it is. I'll see you tomorrow then." I told him, my voice now bored and tired.

Its 10:45 and I had a long day, I just wanted to be in bed by now.

"Yeah. See you then." He says and hangs up immediately, not even bothering to hear me bid him farewell.

I close my phone and put it on the counter.

I walk upstairs to my bedroom, turn on my alarm, set it for 6:50 and plop down on my bed. I take off my pants and my shirt and throw them across the room.

I'm to tired to do anything else, so I just lay down and try to get to sleep.

Sleep doesn't come easily, but eventually I fall asleep.

My dreams are centered around a beautiful brown haired girl, with chocolate brown eyes.

**A/N I'm sorry that nothing big happened in this chapter but I tried? I have writers block, what can I say? Please forgive my bad grammar and all my spelling mistakes. I don't have time to review, I have four books to read and five projects to do for summer! **

**Please tell me what you think and review. **

**REVIEWS= HAPPY AUTHOR= FASTER UPDATES.**

**ALSO PLEASE READ MY OTHER STORY: The girl, the son, and the father. **

**And My new one shot called No hope. I loved the one shot :]**

**Lots of love.**

**-C**


	9. Running

Don't Know What You Have Until It's Gone

EDWARD POV

When everything changes it seems that your whole world stops. Things don't make sense anymore and you're stuck.

Bella Swan came back into my life and she shook my world, leaving me questioning everything that I had known. Feelings that were supposed to have ceased came rushing back to the surface, enveloping me and making me feel like I was drowning.

I was the one who had left her, I was the one who had told her that she was no longer enough, I had reminded her that she no longer held my heart.

However, lately I could not help feeling like I had made a mistake, I could not help feeling like I would always care for her. I cannot help feeling that I need to have more of her.

I shake my head, still sitting in my bed, and lay my head back down against the pillows. My face turns to the side and I close my eyes, hoping to just stop thinking for a while.

"Edward you're over thinking things, stop over thinking things." I tell myself, thinking that if I repeat the same thing, I will believe it.

I chuckle despite the fact that there is nothing humorous about the situation. I start laughing hysterically, I must resemble a maniac, I can't even comprehend what is so funny.

When my laughter subsides I decide that it's time to get out of bed, despite the fact that it's only 5:00 A.M. and it's a saturday, I rush down to the living room.

"What am I doing? Jesus Christ" I mutter.

I can't stop thinking about all the horrible things that I did to Bella and everything that I put her through. She never deserved what I did to her but I was only worried about myself back then and what I wanted, and what I needed.

-FLASH BACK-

_Life shouldn't be this way, I should not be miserable in my own marriage. I should not be forced to stay when she can't make me happy anymore. _

_Man up! Edward think about whats right for you, don't stay with her if you must sacrifice your happiness for it. _

_I have to think about myself, all I've ever done is think about Bella. _

_"What to do… what to do…. stay or go?" I murmur to myself. _

_Deep down I understand that I am wrong, I should not want to get away from my wife. I made promises, promises that were made in front of God. _

_I should stay and try to be what she needs, but can I really? Can I continue to endure this life, it doesn't even feel like a life anymore._

_I'm a prisoner in my own home, and the sad part is that it is all my own doing. Bella has been the perfect wife, she cooks, she cleans, she's attentive but she's changed too much. She isn't the same woman I used to know, she's more reserved and more professional, less dependent upon me._

_She no longer needs me so why should I stay? She will be alright on her own, and I'll be free. I will be free to do as I please. So can I do it? Can I really leave her and not regret it? _

_"Edward!" I hear from downstairs, she's home. Bella's home and even though I should feel ecstatic I am actually disappointed that she's home so early. _

_I rise from my chair and head downstairs, stopping on the last step and leaning against the wall, watching her. She's in a blood red trench coat and her hair is slightly damp and I frown because I know that she's been walking in the rain again._

_"Why have you been walking in the rain? You could catch a cold." I tell her my voice soft but with an accusing tone to it. _

_She turns around, gasping, her chocolate brown eyes wide with fear. Her nose is bright red and I know its because she must be freezing cold._

_"You scared me." She whispers. "And I wasn't walking in the rain I was brining in the groceries and then it started to rain." She murmurs, as her eyes narrow like she's angry at him but he knows she isn't, she's is never angry with him and he can't help but smile at her._

_Her eyes light up and a grin shows up on her face and she begins to walk my way, and I can't help but meeting her half way. _

_She wraps her tiny arms around my neck and pulls me down to give me a peck on the lips. I sigh against her mouth and she pulls away. _

_"Whats wrong babe?" Her voice quivers, as her hands make their way to the back of my neck, tugging on my hair. _

_"Nothing just tired, it was a long day." I sigh, my voice soft. _

_But I know that I'm lying, I don't find pleasure out of doing things like this anymore. I don't enjoy being with her like I used to and the thought makes me incredibly sad. I want to want her like before but I can't. _

_"Awww poor baby." She murmurs as she continues to tug on my hair and I just stand there and let her. _

_She gives me another peck and pulls away, I tense wondering what made her leave me so abruptly. I look at her curiously and she giggles. _

_"I need to get started on dinner. I was thinking quail tonight." She states, her face searching mine trying to determine what I'm thinking._

_I quickly plaster a grin on my face, I don't want to upset her, thats the last thing I want to do. Even now despite everything, despite me wanting a way out._

_"Sounds good baby, I'm starving." I tell her, hoping that she buys it. She does because she immediately smiles and turns around to begin dinner._

_I sigh in relief and wander into the living room, sitting down on the couch and flipping the television on. And once again I am plagued with my thoughts of unhappiness and a way out._

_-END OF FLASHBACK-_

I shake my head and push the memory to the back of my mind. I need to stop thinking about everything, I need to do something.

I quickly run into my room and put on my sneakers, pulling a t-shirt over my head and running back downstairs. I take my keys and close the door behind me as I run into the cold morning.

I look around and there is no one out at this time. I enjoy running when no one's around, it gives me time to clear my head without having to worry about running into someone. I raise my head and breath in, my feet moving faster and faster without even knowing where they are going. The adrenaline is pumping and I quickly turn the street and head towards the park at the end of the street.

I slow when I reach the park and my breath is coming in pants, I stand still and look around the park, all I see is green and the benches. It is deserted at this time of the morning and I walk towards a bench and take a seat. I sit for about ten minutes and just ponder, I try not to think of Bella but she pops into my thoughts a couple of times.

What is she doing? What does she think of me now? Why hasn't she tried to contact me?

I decide to continue my run and get back on my feet and my feet begin to move. I keep running and running without even thinking about where I'm going, I quickly round the corner only to collide with something. Someone.

I hear a gasp and we both tumble to the ground, I groan in pain and I quickly roll of the lady and lay flat on my back.

"I am so sorry I didn't see you." A soft voice speaks and I immediately look to my right and there is Bella, clutching her forehead in pain as her cheeks blaze under my gaze.

"Edward?" She questions as her eyes widen in shock.

"Hey Bella nice to see you again." I grin at her, all pain forgotten as I glance her over.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry. Are you okay?… Well…from your um grin I take it you're fine?…" She trails off as she sits up looking everywhere but at me.

I can't help but laugh at her, and I begin to laugh hysterically, tears slipping from my eyes. Her eyes snap to mine, they're wide, frantic as she looks me over clearly thinking that I have gone crazy or have a concussion.

And then she begins to laugh and we both laugh sitting on the floor, and I can't help but think that this is the most I've laughed since a long time ago.

I look over at her as I laugh and can't help but admire her. She looks beautiful, hair blowing in the wind, head thrown back, as her little frame shakes with laughter. She continues to laugh and laugh and I just stare at her, my laughter ceasing.

She notices and then she looks at me, her eyes widening slightly.

I grin at her and I stand up and offer her my hand. She quickly takes it and I am immediately filled with warmth. I notice the tingles start on my fingertips but she lets go and thanks me for helping her up before apologizing once more.

"You're welcome and don't worry about it. I was running really fast and didn't see you. It was partly my fault." I tell her and she gives me a little smile. "Are you okay Bella? God it must have hurt running into one hundred and ninety pounds of pure muscle." I say and quickly give her a wink.

She laughs again and shakes her head.

"You're so fucking cocky. And yes it hurts a bit but I think I'll live." She mutters at me, giving me a glare. But I know she's just playing with me.

"Okay If you say so…" I respond, as I look her over once again to make sure she's alright.

"What are you doing running at this time anyways? It's usually just me…" She murmurs as she stares at me quizzically.

"I like to run in the mornings too but then again its the only time I can run you know? With work and stuff? And I needed to clear my head." I tell her honestly and she nods, as if she completely understands.

Then she looks down at her feet and begins to play with her hands. I quickly recognize this motion, Bella's nervous. She's really nervous for some weird reason. She looks up at me again and catches me staring at her and she quickly looks down again. She proceeds to look up once more, a determined look on her face as she stares at me.

"I was just heading over to the diner to have some coffee and um breakfast… Do you wanna join me?" She whispers, and I can't help but smile at her. I stare at her for a bit and notice how much she's changed, she's taller and has more curves, she has little wrinkles on her face but she's still Bella.

It's Bella and she wants to have breakfast. With me. She wants to spend time with me despite everything that has happened between us.

I try to sound indifferent and quickly say "Sure…I'd like that thanks Bella."

She nods and then motions at me to follow her. I do. Right now I feel like I'd follow her anywhere.

We don't say anything, it's all silence as we walk towards the diner but I can't help but think that this is the most peaceful walk I've ever had.

**A/N I know I've been gone a really long time. SO SORRY GUYS :( I didn't know what to write about and I simply couldn't get anything typed out. But I hope you enjoy this chapter!**


	10. Diner Talks

Chapter 10

**A/N Hey loves :) YES THIS IS ANOTHER UPDATE! YAY! I've been hit with the writing bug and I needed to type it out. Hope you enjoy see you down there v_v :)**

**THE STORY IS BEING REWRITTEN MORE EXPLAINED DOWN THERE.**

**PS-STOP HATING SO MUCH ON MY EDWARD D; I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT. **

Edward POV

The bell rings when we enter the diner, its called Hopkins, and I had never even known that his thing existed despite it being just two blocks from where I live.

I suppose there are many things that I don't notice, and the truth is I never even bothered to get to know my neighborhood and the things that it had to offer. The one thing that I was really looking for was an escape from that house that plagued me with memories.

I remember flipping through the ads on the newspaper and coming across a two story house that had large windows. These windows extended from the first floor all the way to the second and it looked so bright and so inviting that I ripped the page out and visited the week after. Three bedrooms, two baths and despite me not needing that much space I found myself saying that I'd buy it.

Now that I think of it, I think I know why I bought it now. I think that I knew this was the home we would have wanted. With the fence in the front and the large windows, it was what Bella would have liked. Our dream house was too much for me, it held to many hopes and dreams and I could not find it in myself to purchase it, but Jacob already purchased it so it doesn't really matter now.

However, deep down I think I knew that the house would have pleased her and I quickly took it off the market. It was always about Bella, it always had something to do with her and despite the fact that I had left her, it continued to revolve around her.

I look around the small diner and cannot believe that I never once even stumbled in here. It is a comfortable little diner, and our waitress is a wonderful lady named .

"Hello dearies, what can I get you two this morning?" Her voice is soft, comforting and she reminds me of my grandmother. I give her a small smile.

I glance at Bella and arch an eyebrow at her. She is looking through the menu, eyes searching frantically as waits for her order, while she still has not decided.

I find the situation quite humorous as I stare at her, still deciding what to eat.

I give a little laugh and Bella immediately looks up, a little scowl on her face as she believes that I am making fun of her.

"She'll have the pancakes with strawberry on top and on the side scrambled eggs but make sure it doesn't touch the pancakes because she will go insane. She likes her coffee with one cream and two sugars because she likes to taste the 'real' flavor as she drinks but needs that extra sugar rush." I say, my voice slow and clear.

All the while I am secretly hoping that she has not changed her favorite breakfast because if she did then I have made a complete and utter fool of myself.

I look up at Bella and she is staring at me, eyes wide with wonder and her teeth biting down on her lip. I bite back a groan as I watch her bite down again, always that lip.

And then almost as if she can read my mind, she releases her pouty lip from the torture that it must have endured with her biting so hard. I'm surprised she never drew blood when doing that.

"How did you?…" She questions, her voice soft, a whisper as she continues to stare at me.

"I knew what you used to like Bella. And I knew deep down that you still like it but you want to try something different." I simply state, trying to keep my voice controlled.

"Yeah I try to order something different every time. Its my 'Be spontaneous' thing for the day. I don't wanna get boring. But I cannot believe you remembered that. It's been years." She murmurs as she looks down at her hands once more.

I am hit with a sudden sadness as I stare at her. I did this to her. She can't even order the same fucking meal because I made her feel like I was bored in our marriage. She thinks its her fault, she thinks she has to be spontaneous because or else an asshole like me will leave her.

I really hate myself in that moment as I stare at this beautiful girl with those chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, her eyes full of confusion and desperation. She's tried so hard to move on with her life and here I am trying to drag her back to me.

"You don't have to do things like that Bella. If you love your order than keep ordering. Who cares about that spontaneous bullshit anyways?" I tell her, trying to show her that it really is okay.

I think that I'm doing a great job and being supportive but Bella doesn't see it that way. Her eyes blaze and her chest begins to heave and I know that I've pissed her off. I recoil and wait for it.

"I care. I fucking care Edward because it makes me remember to try new things and not get to comfortable with something because thats when you fucking get hurt." She spits out, and for a moment I think she's gonna leave but she doesn't she just sits there.

And all I can manage to think about is how fucking beautiful she looks when she's angry, her face is flushed and her breath is uneven, her chest is rising and her eyes are blazing.

I love her, I really fucking love her.

She shouldn't feel that way, but I know that it is also because of me, because of how comfortable we were and then I dropped the divorce bomb. I have hurt her so much, I don't even know why she is giving me a moment of her time.

My mind is scrambling, trying to find something to say because I have no idea how to respond to that and because I don't want to scare her away.

"Bella I-" I begin only to be interrupted by Mrs. Cope.

"Here you go dearies. Blueberry pancakes and strawberry pancakes with scrambled eggs non-touching." She kindly says as she sets them down in front of us. I smile at her and Bella murmurs a quick thank you.

She leaves us and once again I am left thinking of how to apologize without making it all about me.

"Bella listen I am so sorr-" Once again I am interrupted but this time its by Bella.

"It's okay Edward. I overreacted too. Lets just forget about it okay?" She smiles at me, but I can see thats it's forced, she's still upset but I don't know what to do or what to say so I just let it go.

I look down at my pancakes and pick up my fork, cutting the pancake at the edges and then eating only the center, which is filled with blueberries. I hate the outside part of the pancake, I cannot really explain why I do but I've always done it. I bring the pancake to my mouth and close my eyes because it is like heaven on earth. I look up and catch Bella staring at me again, and I just look back at her.

"They're good I take it?" She smiles at me and I nod. She looks down at my plate and back up at me. "You always did that. You always cut the outside part out and I never knew why you did it. I suppose it's like me when I take the crust of the bread, but I know why I do that. The crust is disgusting but that pancake, there is no crust to it. So why do you do it?" She whispers, as her eyes stay on mine, and she seems to be studying me.

I shrug, "I don't know why. I guess when I was younger my mom used to do the same thing and it sort of stuck with me." I tell her, not sure how else to explain it.

She just nods at me and continues to eat her pancakes.

"I was so happy to see them again, it had been three years. Esme has not aged a day. I really missed them, all of them. Even the big goofball Emmet." She giggles towards the last part.

I smile at her, thinking about how Emmet constantly harassed her, telling her how small she was and how she had to grow a bit. He would always call her shorty and talk about how weak she was. This was what led Bella to believe that she should know how to defend herself, so she decided to take up self defense classes with Emmet. I remember how worried I was, convinced that he would hurt her unintentionally.

-Flash back-

_"Baby I'm not sure that is the best idea. I mean look at Emmet he's two hundred and sixty pounds love, he's huge. What if he grabs you too hard?" I whisper, my arms around her waist, as I try to convince her not to do this._

_"I want to learn Edward, and Emmet is good at this. He can teach me, and its okay. Im not going to get hurt baby, you have to calm down." She murmurs, hands playing with the hair of my neck. She massages my head, trying to calm me down and I softly moan._

_She's trying to distract me, don't let that happen Edward, stay strong._

_"Baby I just don't think its a good idea… He's too strong, he won't even notice if he's hurting you. I need you to be safe. I need you to stay safe. I need to protect the one thing that means the entire world to me and that's you. Bella I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine a life without you in it." I tell her, my voice taking on a pleading tone, hoping she reconsiders this._

_"Edward," she sighs. "I am not going to die, I am just going to let Emmet teach me some moves. You don't have to worry about it, everything is going to be fine. I promise."_

_I am aware that everything might be fine but I would prefer not to take a chance, I would rather she let me teach her. _

_My eyes widen, that's actually a great idea._

_"Let me teach you love. I can teach you and I know your limits and I am not as strong as Emmet. I can do it." I say excitedly, my mind running through the possibilities of what we could do during our daily sessions._

_"No Edward you can't teach me." I stiffen, why wouldn't she let me teach her? Does she not want me to be with her? _

_"Baby you know I would love it if you taught me but we both know that it will not work out. You would be too afraid to do anything because you would be scared to hurt me. It is your instinct to protect me and that would get in the way of the training." She assures me, to ensure that I not feel rejected. _

_"I don't trust Emmet to do that with you. He could get distracted at any moment and hurt you Bella, please be reasonable." I plead, hoping she revises what she is thinking. _

_"Edward you have to be reasonable not me. He is your brother and you can trust him. I trust him and so should you. So just leave it alone, its going to happen and you're going to see that I will be absolutely fine." I am not happy with the decision and I certainly do sulk but I know I won't win so I just stop trying._

_Three days after her first training session with Emmet, she dislocates her shoulder. _

_-End of FlashBack- _

I look and see that Bella is talking, so I quickly tune in, trying to catch what she is saying.

"I'm glad you and Jake are getting along, I appreciate that you're trying with him. Thank you Edward." She says as she continues to eat, not looking up at me and I think she's avoiding my gaze.

I don't know what to say to her. You're welcome? I mean it's not like I actually like the jackass but I can pretend to like him. What is there to say to her?

"Yeah um-uh…well he's a good guy. And- well- He's trying too." Is all that I can possible come up with, and all the while I am saying this all I can think is that I sound like a fucking idiot.

Truth is, I hate him. I really hate him, more than I have ever hated anyone.

Well, at least I want to hate him that much but I can't. I dislike him but I don't necessarily hate him. I can't hate him because he took care of Bella when she was all alone, he helped her get better and he has been her shoulder to cry on, basically he's been her rock.

And I have been…I've been nothing… I've been gone the entire time.

"Yeah he really is…" her voice trails off, as her eyes glaze over and I immediately know that she's not with me anymore, she's thinking of something. She's remembering.

And I let her. I sit there and let her remember.

A couple of minutes pass and then her eyes refocus, and they fall upon mine again, her eyes full of sorrow and I know that the memory had something to do with me.

"Welcome back…" I give her a soft smile, almost to reassure her that everything is okay. Everything is going to be fine, we'll be okay too.

We'll survive this, we always do.

Her eyes snap to mine, determination settles in.

"Yeah he's an amazing guy, he's a great guy Edward. But you know what? Despite how amazing he is and despite how much he loves me… I-" she stops, and shakes her head. "Never Mind." she says.

"What? You what?" I question, curious to know what she was going to say. I need to know what she was going to say, with that determination dead set in her eyes and the blush as she looked away.

"Nothing Edward. It's nothing. Nothing at all." Simplicity does not sit well with me. I know she is lying to me and this just makes me more determined to know what she was about to say. I'm desperately wishing that it has something to do with me, the way she feels for me.

I love her and she's fucking engaged and I'm just here, hoping that this beautiful girl has something for me. Hoping she still holds a bit of love for me.

I reach for her hand, lay mine onto of hers. I know its inappropriate but right now I could care less. She's beautiful and she's right there, she's right in front of me and I need to touch her. Our hands connect and I inhale as I feel the current pass between us, a small smile playing on my lips.

"Tell me…" I whisper, looking at her. She looks up from or hands, eyes meeting mine and I'm shocked by the emotions that are lying there.

"He's an amazing guy Edward. But he could have never compared to you. You were my everything." She murmurs, her hand tangling in mine. I'm staring, eyes wide open, amazed that she told me this.

Then I'm smiling, I'm grinning, white teeth flashing in happiness. My heart beats faster and I feel so fucking amazing because I know that I was something he could never compete with.

"I don't like that Edward, I don't find it a good thing. I don't like that i think of you as much as I do and I most definitely don't like that I care what you think of me and about your feelings. I should not care," Seriousness flows out of her, face is void of emotion and my heart falls to my stomach.

She doesn't want to feel like that. But then again why would she? I did so much to her, I hurt her everyday and she should not want anything to do with me. However, she does feel something, and I might still stand a chance.

Before I can say anything, she pulls out a twenty and throws it on the table. She quickly exists, not letting me say a word, and I'm left sitting there just staring at her.

I'm left sitting there, at the table, wondering how I let my life get so messed up.

**A/N HEY GUYS :) Hope you enjoyed it. I am working on the rewrite of the entire story but the last two chapters which I am writing and posting as chapter 9, and this. WILL NOT CHANGE. I just don't want to make you guys wait for the whole story to be updated. Please Review and tell me how you liked this chapter.**


	11. Night Visits

_**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING of Twilight except this plot, two posters, all the movies and my Edward Cullen cut out.**_

**Special thanks- TO Ana Rod who made me this gorgeous story banner. Thank You Ana :) **

**Recommendation: Go and read ****Lies by Scorpsifer (****its amazing)!**

**Summary- **"I love him. He loves someone else. Someone who is not me. And it doesn't matter."

**The chapter is a short one, sadly I didn't have much time to write because of school :( I've been so busy, I have four AP classes, and two honors classes and I've been applying to colleges and have been studying for the ACT And SAT. I barley have time to write but I'm trying. Don't give up one me!**

_Now Go and Read! Meet you at the bottom v_v _

Edward

It's been five days, five long, dreadful days.

She left and she didn't even look back, she just walked out of the Diner and did not look at me at all.

I didn't even get a goodbye, just nothing.

I was in a bit of a shock, I wandered out of the diner and walked slowly, staring down at the ground, feet kicking the small rocks that were on my path.

I guess I never expected to hear her say that, after all these years I thought she hated me.

_"He could never compare to you…you were my everything." _Replays in my mind over and over again.

She claims that he was never me, that he could not even compare to me. She's settling, she should not be settling with him.

She might still love me, she might still care.

She has to care.

I care. I really do care. I fucking care. I still have feelings for her that much is obvious. I think about her all the time now, and I miss her , I constantly miss her.

The fact that it has been three days without seeing her is driving me to the brink of insanity and I need to see her again. I find myself running at the same time every morning around the same area, hoping that I catch a glimpse of her.

I am turning into a stalker, as I scan the park and streets hoping to run into her again. I run at different times, run in different directions hoping and praying that I find her.

It's all for nothing because I don't, she's no where to be found. She has to be ignoring me, she has to be trying to avoid me and perhaps she's running at a different time. Maybe she's running somewhere else?

It bothers me, it really bothers me to understand that she is doing everything in her power to avoid me.

I deserve it though… Don't I?

I expected her to hate me, to despise me. Instead she gave me hopes and made me believe that a friendship could bloom there and that we had a chance of repairing what was broken. She shouldn't have given me all these hopes, these false hopes.

I'm angry, I feel betrayed and angry but I know that I don't have the right to feel this way so I try to push it back.

She should hate me and I should not be so hurt by the fact that she has given up trying and is hiding from me.

She shouldn't have to hide from me, she shouldn't ever want to hide from me.

o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_ o_o_o_o_o_o_o

_"Baby…did you go to the grocery store and get what I told you to get, its for the dinner tonight." She speaks, as she looks me over. _

_I sigh, I forgot and I know she's going to be upset._

_"No. I'm sorry I was working and I… Bella I completely forgot." I state, my voice soft and low._

_"I told you this was important Edward." She murmurs, I think she's going to fight but she wraps her arm around me and I know they're won't be any fighting._

_"I'm sorry…" I murmur, leaning into her. She rubs my back and I sigh._

_She loves me. She really does love me. I cannot believe how much she does, despite all my imperfections and the things I do. _

_I forget to pick up the dry cleaning, leave my socks all over the house, burn everything I attempt to cook, forget to pick up groceries, arrive late to dinner, and the list goes on. _

_No matter what I do, she always seems to forgive me. _

_Bella's good. She's a pure, selfless human being and I should be the happiest man in the world to have her. _

_I try to be, I try really hard to remind myself of how good she is, how wonderful and perfect she is for me. But there is always that thought at the back of my head, telling me that this is simply not enough anymore. That there has to be something else out there for me and that this is not it. I hate that thought and I try desperately to push it away, hoping it stays away, locked up, in my head. I try to forget the thought and attempt to smile at what I have, at the life I live. This proves to be difficult but I continue to try, and to hope._

_I hope I can look past my fleeting feelings, the feeling that I love her, but I'm not in love with her. _

_I close my eyes and hope that it's not true. That I'm going through a phase, a stupid phase and that when I wake up the next day it will be over. That I'll laugh at how ridiculous I was being and that I will tell Bella and she will laugh along with me. _

_"I love you." She whispers, I smile at her. It's a small, forced, smile but I do it anyways. I hope she doesn't look into it to much, I hope she doesn't realize its not a real one._

_"I love you too." I murmur, and I'm not lying. I do love Bella, I always will love her. She's my best friend, my wife, she's always been there for me, even when I'm not there for her._

_She smiles and leans in kissing me softly and then pulls away. _

_"Now we have to figure out what to feed your parents when they arrive, since we have nothing but dessert prepared. What do you suggest?" She questions, hands on her hips, trying to be intimidating. I chuckle at the effort._

_"What about takeout from the Chinese restaurant down the block? We could always say you cooked Chinese." I smirk, hoping she likes my suggestion enough to comply._

_"I doubt your parents are going to believe that I maid them greasy Chinese food for dinner. " She states calmly, as she turns around to check on the cookies baking in the oven._

_I smile, she knew how much I loved her cookies. She would make me some every sunday, no matter how late she worked or how tired she was. _

_"How are my cookies coming along?" I smirk at her, she turns around and glares at me, playfully._

_"No. No mister, those cookies are for your parents and not for you. You are not to touch those cookies until they arrive. Do you understand?" She scolds me, shaking her finger in my face. I shake my head._

_"Bella you know I love those fucking cookies. When they come out of the oven in-" I glance at the timer on the oven "twelve minutes, they are in my mouth." _

_"Edward. If you touch those cookies…." She trails off, I frown wondering what she was about to say._

_"You'll what? You'll what Bella?" I question, arching my left eyebrow, challenging her to tell me what she was about to say._

_She shakes her head, laughing, and then she seems to remember that she is pretending to be angry at me._

_"I will never…ever…ever… bake you cookies again!" She warns, I freeze._

_My eyes narrow and I look at her with the most serious expression I can muster. _

_"You wouldn't dare…" I tell her, she smiles, an innocent, small smile._

_"Try me." _

_I square my shoulders, and stand up straight, my eyes narrowed and I begin to stalk towards her._

_I am a lion and she is my prey. _

_Her doe eyes widen and she begins to walk backwards, her back hitting the counter. She quickly looks around when she realizes there is no where to go. She turns slightly and takes a step in the other direction. I'm there to block her path and right when I'm about to grab her, the doorbell rings._

_I freeze, and she shrieks._

_"Oh my god. Your parents are here! We have nothing ready. We don't even have food. They're early. Oh god Edward they're early. What do we do?" She's bites on her lip, as she frantically looks around the room. "Look at how I'm dressed. I haven't even gotten dressed!" She's fixing her hair, and taking off her apron, she is nervous as hell. That much is clear. _

_I chuckle, she glares._

_"Edward this is not funny!" She growls, I can't help but smiling. _

_"Why don't you just go and get ready. I'll deal with all the rest. Don't worry about it." _

_She frowns, but decides to comply and walks away._

_I open the door and plaster a smile on my face._

_o_0_o_0_o_0_o_0_o_0_o_o_0_0_0_o_o_0_o_o_0_o_0_o_0_ o_o_0_0_

I'm brought out of my revere when I hear a sharp knock on the door. I don't move right away and the knocking is soon followed by pounding.

I sigh and decide I should go open it, due to it probably being my mother or Emmet.

I stand up and move towards the door, hand reaching for the knob when the pounding gets louder. I frown, and immediately swing the door open, ready to yell at whoever is attempting to knock my door over.

My hand goes up, and my mouth opens but as soon as I see who it is, I stop cold.

It's Bella.

There she is standing in front of me with her gorgeous brown eyes looking deep into my soul and I ask myself, how it is possible to not love this women.

She jumps into my arms and her hands grasp at my neck and I know it is wrong but I can't seem to help myself.

She's slurring her words and she's delusional but it doesn't seem to matter to me.

I know for a fact that I shouldn't be holding her like this but I can't seem to make myself care.

She's pleading and stuttering over every single word that leaves her beautiful lips but all I hear are the very first words she uttered when I opened the door to her soaking wet frame, shoes in her hand, makeup running down her gorgeous face.

"I want you" she says, three simple words but so powerful.

I did not expect this, not at all. She had walked out of that Diner three days ago and I was convinced that she wanted nothing to do with me.

The simple fact that she is able to see me like that even though I destroyed her whole world three years back.

I shake my head frantically and tell myself to wake up, that I am dreaming.

Because it can't be real, this is not happening. She can't possibly still want me, not after everything.

But….she's here and…she does...

She grabs my hand and the electricity that travels between us is what it was before, what is has always been.

I smile and she wraps her arms around my torso. I kiss her head and I don't know why I am doing what I am but all I know is that I miss her and I need her too.

"Do you want me?" she asks, her eyes wide.

I tried so hard to convince myself that if I were ever in this position I would be able to say no.

But the truth is that I tried so hard to convince myself that I did not want her and that everything we ever had was over that very day I decided to divorce her.

But I can't see her standing in front of me now asking me if I desire her and just say no.

Saying no is not an option.

I cannot lie, it would kill me now.

"Yes," I murmur, looking into those beautiful brown orbs which held me captivate all those years.

She smiles, her little smile and she pulls me down to her.

I put my forehead against hers and smile

I don't know how I convinced myself that I felt nothing for this wonderful women, this beautiful girl which stands in front of me at this very moment.

I was a fucking fool to believe that that was ever possible.

"I shouldn't feel this way Edward. I can't" She says, her eyes filling with tears.

I close my eyes and pull her closer to me. I am gripping her, fingers digging into her waist, holding her as tight as I can without hurting her.

"I know" I tell her, eyes tightly shut hoping to god that she doesn't regret telling me how she felt.

"But I can't not be with you" she tells me, her hand twisting in my hair.

I look at her and sigh, she is everything that I ever wanted I was just to stupid to ever see what was right front of me.

I could have prevented this, she would have still been mine.

One never knows what they have until it's gone And I can't imagine losing her again. Not without it destroying me.

I stare at her, she leans in and carcasses my face, making me sigh in contentment.

Then I feel her lips on mine, and I'm brought back to the firs time I ever felt this.

Just like when I was 15 and I can't imagine never feeling this again.

My lips move with hers in perfect synchronization, fireworks explode behind my eyes and I kiss her back like this is the last time. She bites on my lower lip and I can't help but moan, it's been years. Her tongue probes my mouth open and I grant her access, tongues caressing and hands reaching for any part of her, anywhere I can touch.

She tugs on my hair and pulls me closer, my body pressed against hers and I grab her neck, refusing to let her even come up for air.

Only that's the only reason why we stop kissing.

She pants against my mouth and I smile. Her hand comes up to touch my face, and I flinch away when I feel the cool diamond band brush up against my cheek.

I freeze. Shock overwhelms me, followed by the undeniable disgust at what I'm doing.

What am I doing?

I release her and turn away. I am finally able to acknowledge the fact that I want her and I still are for her only to be reminded that she is to even available.

She is engaged and about to get married, and I'm over here kissing her?

I shake my head frantically, this is the worst position that I could possibly be in right now.

"Edward?" she whimpers. She's upset, me pulling away really hurt her. I can tell.

"Bella. Your engaged. We can't do this." I remind her, we shouldn't not be here, doing this, even having this conversation. I feel her come up behind me and she wraps her arms around my torso.

I feel as if I should push her back, push her away because she's married and I shouldn't be with her in this way.

It's too intimate, it's too real, it's too_ us._

"I can't help feeling the way I feel towards you. I never stopped feeling this way, just because you did doesn't mean that I ever did." she tells me, I stiffen.

She cannot be serious, she must be joking, lying

I turn around, take her hands and look straight into her eyes.

"What are you saying? You have to have gotten over me, your engaged Bella." I say, my voice begging her to explain.

I need to know, I need to know how she feels. I need to know the truth, the honest truth.

"I love Jacob." she says, I flinch away. I don't want to hear this, I don't want to listen to her talk about _him._

That is the last thing I want to hear about, her and Jacob. I don't want to hear a single thing about Jacob especially not when she is involved in it.

"But I never stopped loving you either." she reminds me, and I feel like I can't breathe, I left her all those years ago and she never stopped caring about me.

She still cared, she still loved me. How on earth is this even possible?

She should despise me, she shouldn't even want to look at me.

"I never stopped thinking about you Edward. Even when I was with Jacob I couldn't. You know the first time I ever I'd anything with him I started crying?" she sniffles, I cringe.

I didn't need to know that last bit of information, I really did not want to know that she did anything with him. I could have lived without knowing that.

"I don't want to know what you did Bella. I just want to know how it's possible that you still care about my ass." I tell her, my eyes pleading with here to tell me why.

"I've known you my whole life Edward, just because you lost sight of who you really were didn't mean I did." she murmurs, her hand reaching out to grab mine, I let her.

I look away, because right now I cannot bear to look at her and not feel like a complete and utter fool for doing what I did all those years ago.

The very thought of her doing that to me is enough to cripple me, if she actually did do that I probably wouldn't survive.

I look at the women that I claimed not to love and I can't look at her that way anymore, I can't not love her.

"I was so lost, I still am Bella" I tell her, my eyes clenched shut hoping to god that she doesn't turn her back on me.

I can't lose her, not now, not ever.

"I'll find you, I will always find you." She says to me, her eyes wide and beautiful.

Pleading with me to understand, and to believe her.

And for a second, for a small fraction of a second, I do.

**A/N - Sorry it took me so long to update. I truly am deeply sorry for that. I've been so busy and I hope you guys will be patient with me. **

**I hope you guys liked the chapter. **

**SPECIAL THANKS TO ANA ROD FOR THE LOVELY BANNER. **

**Please REVIEW:)**


	12. AN Pulling story

Hey guys, I have officially decided to remove the story. I continue to receive reviews reminding me of how messed up my story is and I don't wish to continue it. I get little reviews and my readers have just continued to decrease starting from chapter one with 12k views all the way down to 500 views. I am so terribly sorry for what I have decided and I might write a final chapter explaining what happened throughout the rest of the story however, I am not sure if I will yet. I will be pulling the story at the end of the month, on halloween. I hope you guys can forgive me and I will be working on editing the story and starting all over with the same plot.

Thank you everyone.

-Love C


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